How to Take a Selfie Like an Entitled Millennial

Apr 2018

Hopefully, all you Baby Boomers are getting the hang of this cell phone communications thing by using the texting etiquette and texting abbreviations you learned in Lesson 1 – Texting 101 and the emoji meanings you learned in Lesson 2 – Emojis. Today it is time for Lesson 3 – Selfies where you will learn how to take a selfie.

Remember, the point of these posts is that you need to improve the process to get results, you cannot just expect or demand them to happen. In this case, helping people learn how to communicate using cell phones, instead of just expecting them to know how.

On to Lesson #3…

Personally, I am adamantly against selfies, especially mirror selfies as you know if you have read my bio. If you haven’t read our Bios, you may want to check them out as they are not at all typical and I will leave it at that.

But my personal preferences aside, many people love them, so here we go!

Definition of Selfie

A selfie is simply a picture you take of yourself with your cell phone. It is usually done for vanity and self-importance reasons and shared on social media sites such as Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook.

It looks like this:

Now that we know what a selfie is, let’s learn how you too can master this fine art form by learning how to take a selfie…

How to Take a Selfie

Make sure you have good lighting. Having lighting behind you gives you a more backlit look, this will make your photo look more mysterious and softer. Have lighting in front of you will make your face look brighter.

Figure out if you want a portrait or landscape selfie and turn the camera accordingly.

Hit the little switch camera icon to activate the facing forward camera.

Extend your arm as far as you can away from you, this will help eliminate the fishbowl effect.

Turn your head and body in a way that shows your best angle, after a while, it will come naturally to you.

You will see people hold their camera way above their head and bring the phone a bit closer. This is a trick most girls use to make their eyes look bigger and cuter due to the optical illusion created. Like this:

Make sure to smile (saying cheese is optional)

Hit the button and boom! You have a selfie!

Take lots of selfies that way you will guarantee many options for social media posting.

Now that you have an idea of how to take a selfie…

It’s time to review…

Some of the Most Common Poses

Here are some examples of poses you may, or may not want to try:

DUCK FACE SELFIE

This is a pose where you purse your lips in a flirty way – it is almost always done by females. I say ‘almost’ always because here is a pic of Prime Your Pump’s own Howie doing the duckface.

Ok, I need to come clean, Howie didn’t exactly do the duckface. I took a still from one of our videos outtakes because I couldn’t find any free duckface images on the internet. But it is a good example of a duckface.

Incidentally, according to a study referenced in an article in Business Insider, it was determined that “Online daters think duck face is hot; college students think duck face means you’re a slacker, and scientists think duck face means you’re emotionally unstable.”

On a side note – there are a ton of problems in the world from homelessness to gun violence to whatever, yet we have people doing scientific research on frickin’ duck faces…WTF! Maybe it’s just me, but are our priorities a little messed up these days or what? Then again, I am writing a blog post on selfies – so who am I to throw stones?

KISSY FACE SELFIE

This is Bri doing the standard ‘kissy face’. It is a much better alternative to the cheesy duckface that Howie is doing above.

DICK PIC SELFIE

This is exactly what you think it is, so there will be no image for this one. Sorry to disappoint you. Please do not attempt the dick pic selfie until we have covered it in Lesson 4: Sexting next week. It can get you in a lot of trouble as it did with this former NFL star.

THE HOLIDAY SELFIE

Because who doesn’t want a selfie with Good Ol’ Saint Nick! On a side note, this photo brings back some sad memories for me. The day I found out he wasn’t real was not a good one for me. Luckily my 17^th birthday was a few days after I found out, so that made me happy and softened the blow.

THE CHECK OUT MY BOOTY SELFIE

This is mostly a female pose where she takes a full body selfie turned to the side to show what a great butt she has. She then immediately posts it on social media to see how many likes she can get to stroke her ego.

THE SOLAR ECLIPSE SELFIE

This is an example of a selfie taken when rare events occur to prove you were there. Like if you see the Yeti or Snuffleupagus – make sure to take a selfie to prove you were there or that it happened!

BED SELFIE

This selfie is meant to be alluring and sexy and usually sent to a love interest.

BEACH SELFIE

This is your typical ‘we are at the beach and you are not’ selfie. Note how big their smiles are to make you even more jealous than you already are.

COUPLE SELFIE

Here is a photo of a couple taking a selfie. There is no doubt they will then post it to social media to ‘announce’ that they are now officially a couple. There is an acronym for this that you may want to know, ‘FBO’ – Facebook official.

LASTLY…THE ABS SELFIE

Yup, this is yours truly, if you haven’t read my article about using the 80-20 rule to get abs, check it out. This is an extremely self-important and douchy selfie. You think you are impressing people, but you just end up looking like a complete douchebag. So, don’t do it.

Now that we have covered some of the most common poses, it is time for some…

Tips to Take a Selfie

When you are going to take a selfie:

BEWARE OF PHOTOBOMBERS

Sadly, there are unscrupulous people out there who will attempt to sneak into your photo to ruin it for no reason other than the pursuit of self-entertainment. Here is a pic of an innocent woman getting photobombed by two degenerates at Epcot a couple years ago. Despite the fact that it says Bri and Rick on the photo with arrows to people who look strikingly like us, we assure you it is not us. That’s our story and we’re sticking to it.

BE CAREFUL!

Please do not put yourself in harm’s way when trying to take a selfie as there have been way too many selfie-related injuries and deaths over the years. Take selfies responsibly. As important as it seems as the time, that butt selfie just isn’t worth losing your life over.

SELFIE STICK

If you become serious about taking selfies, you may want to invest in a selfie-stick. And for those of you who are into butt-selfies, there is such a thing as a ‘Belfie Stick’ – and I am not even lying – check it out. Viva capitalism! This is a selfie stick:

DON’T BE THIS GUY, JUST DON’T

Before we go…

Here is Some Selfie Trivia You Can Use to Impress Your Friends

Selfie was named the word of the year by the Oxford Dictionary in 2013.

There was TV show named ‘Selfie’ about a girl who hired a marketing expert to help rebuild her image after an embarrassing video of her went viral. It lasted only 1 season

There is a song called Selfie by the Chainsmokers.

The selfie originated in Australia way back in 2002 when some drunk guy fell and landed lip first on some steps. If you want to say you saw the first selfie ever taken, here it is – it’s not pretty though.

The last thing we want is for you to appear as clueless as the poor woman in the photo below. Just check her out trying to take a selfie and having no idea what the hell she’s doing. It’s pathetic! And her family members behind her, look at how embarrassed they are. They are totally pretending not to know her. It’s hard to blame them for being so ashamed.

You have read our guide and now know how to take a selfie, so we expect more from you!

Practice makes perfect – so we really want you to practice your selfies.

So, like Nike says, get out those cell phones, strike a pose and ‘Just Do it!’

That’s it for this week. Next week we conclude our 4-part cell phone communication series with a ‘bang’ as we discuss the topic you have all been waiting for…Lesson 4: Sexting.

So, until then…

Guys, hold off one more week before using the eggplant emoji and please – no dick pics yet. Because if you are going to do that sort of thing, you might as well do it right.

Ladies, if you have been offended by any eggplant emojis or dick pics sent your way, I am truly sorry. Some people just can’t help themselves!

Keeping texting, get practicing those selfies and no dick pics! And as always…PYMFP!

Rick

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2 Replies to “How to Take a Selfie Like an Entitled Millennial”

Eileen Melnyck says:

April 21, 2018 at 2:09 pm

Funny and very informative. Well done. Now I know what my grandkids know.

1. Rick, Bri and Howie says:
  
  April 22, 2018 at 7:39 am
  
  Exactly, next time you are with them you should bust out your cell phone and tell them you wanna take a selfie with them so you can post it on Instagram. It will shock the crap out of them!