Why Being a Control Freak is Bad (and What to Do About It)
This week’s video is about how to deal with a control freak, such as:
A nagging wife or mother.
The always in your face husband or father.
A friend who always wants to do things his/her way.
In business, this is called micro-managing.It makes you constantly question yourself and doesn’t allow you to do your job.
It does a number on your confidence and self-esteem.
In relationships, a control freak also does a number on your confidence and self-esteem. But even worse, they stifle independence.
For example, a mother who constantly nags her daughter about what she eats is creating an individual who cannot independently make food decisions. This becomes problematic when the daughter goes to college, has no one telling her what to eat, and subsequently puts on the ‘freshman 15’.
Another example, a husband, and wife have been married for 50 years. All the while the husband has been a control freak in terms of the couple’s finances. The wife is clueless about all things financial.
This becomes problematic when the husband dies, leaving her completely in the dark about her financial future.
The solution in both examples is to consider allowing the dependent person to grow to be independent.
Use It or Lose It – Dealing With a Control Freak
If you are a control freak, and you can’t stop, or the other people don’t want you to stop, seek professional help.
It’s better to deal with it now, then when it is a crisis.
When to Use It:
If you are a control freak or if you are dealing with one.
What Do You Think?
Are you a control freak? Is someone you care about one? How is it affecting your life now? How will it affect your life in the future?
Until next time, behave and as always…Prime Your Pump!
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Ah yes, my mother the control freak. We fought continuously since I was a little kid – I still remember the arguments from about age 5 regarding what she forced me to eat. My father didn’t care about being controlled, actually I think he appreciated it in many ways. Part of my mother’s viewpoint I believe was due to her own upbringing – very strict eastern European, the hausfrau remains in charge of domestic matters, what the parents say is final, no backtalk from the kid. You have heard the term “my way or the highway” – that was my mother, and after graduation from high school, I chose the highway and moved to Pennsylvania.
Now that she’s in her mid 90’s, I still cannot bear to be in the same room as my mother, unless my wife, my daughter, or my grand-daughter is also present. I have told my mother to her face that we raised our daughter the exact opposite of how she raised me. And it worked – Amy is fantastic at money management, worked out all the details herself when she bought her condo, and only asked for financial help when she bought her car, realizing that a cash payment in full is better than a loan with monthly payments. We encouraged her to be independent as a teenager – she found part time jobs, bought her own TV with babysitting money, selected her friends carefully, graduated from college, and turned out to be a great kid. We both hope Amy uses our parenting style with her own daughter.
One cannot change a control freak’s attitude or behavior. Find some way to mitigate, and have a plan. Yours is to hire an accountant if necessary (makes perfect sense, but hope it never comes to fruition), mine was to pack up and leave. I do not regret my decision, but sometimes wish circumstances were not as severe. There’s a tremendous difference between Guidance and Control. And you do not need to seek professional help, you acknowledge you know squat diddly about finance, plus you and Shelley have developed a financial management situation that works for both, and you have a contingency “just in case”.
Happy Father’s Day to you, your son and/or your son-in-law, as appropriate.