Stop Nagging and Do This Instead!
We all know someone who does it. And that person may be…us.
Yup, I’m talking to you ‘Nancy’, and you too ‘Nicholas’.
You are a nagger!
We will call you ‘Nagging Nancy’ and ‘Nicholas the Nag’.
Welcome to “Nag-ville”, population: you!
You know who you are. You are the one who is constantly nagging your significant other and/or your kids to do stuff.
And…eventually they do it…or they don’t.
Regardless, this won’t be the last time you nag them. Oh no! You will nag the crap out of them again and again, over and over, being more obnoxious and irritating with each subsequent nag.
All the while accomplishing one thing – ensuring that they are resenting the absolute crap out of you.
Ask Yourself These Questions…
At the end of the day you need to ask yourself a couple questions:
(1) Is the thing I am constantly nagging my spouse or kids about really worth doing long term harm to our relationship?
(2) Is my constant nagging really addressing the underlying issue?
I’m going to answer both questions for you:
(1) No, your kids messy room is not worth having a crappy relationship with them for, and your husband leaving a cupboard open is not worth you nagging him to the point that he thinks you are the enemy
(2) No, of course it’s not. If it was you wouldn’t have to keep nagging them about the same thing.
All you are really doing with your constant nagging is harming your relationship and it is just going to get worse over time. And, not only that – you are totally emasculating your husband, destroying your kid’s self-esteem, and showing no appreciation to your wife for all the other stuff she does for you.
Sound familiar?
Here are some examples that some of you may be able to identify with:
You nag your kid because their room is such a mess that it looks like a tornado hit it!
Nagging your wife because she never wants to put out. Her response is: “I’m exhausted from shuttling the kids around, doing stuff around the house, not to mention working a full-time job”.
You get on your daughter’s case because she doesn’t want to eat her vegetables
You keep nagging your husband to hit the gym and eat better because the Dad-bod he is now sporting doesn’t exactly get you ‘lubricated’
Your son always leaves his homework assignment for the last minute
An Analogy From Business
Let’s pause and take a quick look at an analogy from the business world.
Do you know what the equivalent of nagging is in business? It’s called mass inspection.
Think about this. Imagine you are a manufacturer and you inspect every item just to find the bad ones so you can throw them out. Guess what? You are already too late. Firstly, you cannot find all the bad ones, it’s impossible. Secondly, inspection costs a ton of money in terms of labor costs and throwing out or re-working the bad ones. You are much better off building quality into the product from the get-go.
The Fact of the Matter Is...
The same thing goes for you Nancy and Nicholas::
(1) You aren’t going to catch your significant other or kids every time they do something that you don’t like
and
(2) The cost of nagging in terms of doing irreversible harm to your relationship just isn’t worth it.
Instead of nagging and constantly busting their balls, why not address the reason for your obnoxious nagging in the first place?
“How?” you ask.
Simple, you have two options:
(1) get over it and decide that the thing you are nagging them about isn’t worth harming the relationship for
or
(2) figure out how to prevent it from happening again by improving the process so you don’t have to nag in the first place.
Alternatives to Nagging
Let’s go back to the examples above and see what you could have done instead of nagging the crap out of them:
You nag your kid because their room is such a mess it looks like a tornado hit it!
Instead of nagging – Agree that the door will stay shut all the time so you don’t have to see the mess. The mess isn’t killing anyone and it’s certainly not worth having a crappy relationship with your kid over.
Nagging your wife because she never wants to put out. Her response is: “I’m exhausted from shutting the kids around, doing stuff around the house, not to mention working a full-time job”.
Instead of nagging – Her response is legitimate, cut her some slack. So instead, do it in the morning, start the day off with a ‘bang’. A little morning sex will put a smile on your face and a pep in both of your steps for the rest of the day!
You keep nagging your husband to hit the gym and eat better because the Dad-bod he is now sporting doesn’t exactly get you ‘lubricated’
Instead of nagging and telling him to hit the gym or eat better- Why not work out with him? Or help him make better dietary choices, or hire a personal trainer for him. Who knows, maybe he thinks you have let yourself go too but he just doesn’t want to hurt your feelings…
Your son always leaves his homework assignment for the last minute
Instead of nagging – Teach him time management by helping him create a homework schedule in advance, show him that it’s not that difficult if he plans ahead. Plus, it’s a skill that will help him for the rest of his life. One approach is to use the Eisenhower Urgent-Important matrix – read about it here.
So, the next time you find your ‘Nagging Nancy’ or ‘Nicholas the Nag’ coming out and are about to nag the crap out of your next victim, stop. Then take a deep breath and channel your inner ‘Improving Isabel’ or ‘Igor the Improver’ and either get over it or address the underlying issue and improve the process so you don’t have to nag them anymore.
Use It or Lose It!
To stop nagging:
Get over it and decide that the thing you are nagging them about isn’t worth harming the relationship for
or
Figure out how to prevent it from happening again by improving the process so you don’t have to nag in the first place.
When to Use These Anti-Nagging Strategies
When you find yourself constantly nagging the crap out of someone
Someone is constantly nagging the crap out of you (in this case you probably have to focus on suggestion #2 under Use It Or Lose It above) or just suck it up and do what they are asking if it’s reasonable
Discuss
How have you improved the process to eliminate nagging? Is there an example where you stopped nagging because it just wasn’t worth the harm it caused your relationship?
Thanks for reading and until next time, remember…PYMFP!
Rick
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P.P.S. Have you read Bri’s post on a solution to overcome your fear of public speaking? If not, check it out, it’s pretty entertaining and actionable..
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