Proposing a Toast: Some Do’s and Don’ts You Need to Know!

One of my favorite movies of all time is Wedding Crashers starring Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson. If you are unfamiliar with it, a pair of womanizers played by Vaughn and Wilson sneak into weddings to meet women and ‘get lucky’.

The pair ends up in conflict when at one of the weddings Wilson falls in love with the bride’s sister, Claire Cleary.

One of my favorite scenes of the movie occurs when Claire is proposing a toast to the couple. Before she proposes the toast, Wilson asks her what she is going to say.  So, she delivers the toast she is going to propose to him. The toast takes a little shot at her sister when she says, “I never thought my sister would find someone who cared about what other people thought as much as she did until I met Craig”?

After hearing what she plans on saying, Wilson tries to dissuade her from going through with it by saying even though she thinks it’s funny, others won’t. He goes as far to predict, “I think you are going to hear crickets.” Instead, he advises her to go with something from the heart.

She goes through with it and as he predicted…crickets!

To save the situation, she then takes his advice and says, “You know, someone once told me that… true love is… the soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another. And I think that that’s a very rare thing in this world. And I think it’s something to be valued. And I’m just really happy that my big sister has found it. Congratulations, Chris.”

If only Claire had known what we are going to discuss in this Prime Your Pump blog post on the do’s and don’t of proposing a toast!

First, let’s discuss…

Proposing a Toast – Some Do’s and Don’ts!

To make sure you don’t end up like Claire in Wedding Crashers, we are going to cover some do’s and don’t for when you are proposing a toast.

Do

Always let the host give the first toast if at a dinner party, reception or other large events. However, at weddings, typically it is the best man who leads things off. If the host does not propose a toast, it is acceptable for the guest to propose one honoring the host.

Don’t

Worry about everyone having an alcoholic beverage when you propose a toast. Any drink will do, although it is nice if everyone does have a bubbly type drink. For example, ginger ale, sparkling water, Champagne, sparkling wine etc.

Do

Stand up when proposing a toast. Then ask for everyone’s attention by saying something like, “May I have your attention.” If the crowd keeps talking, it is most courteous to repeat yourself until you have their attention.

Don’t

Propose the toast at the wrong time. The best time is either when the wine is served or just before dessert.

Do

Keep your toast short and sweet. Just be yourself and talk like you usually do. Make eye contact with people in the room or at the table and speak loudly enough so everyone can hear.

Don’t

Say anything inappropriate or something that may cause someone to be offended. Learn from Claire in Wedding Crashers! As Owen Wilson’s character says, “go with something from the heart!”

Do

Use humor, just as long as it isn’t offensive to anyone in the room. Jokes can be a great way to toast. However, make sure the joke isn’t an inside joke as it is important that everyone understands it.

Don’t

Worry if you are nervous about giving a toast. Instead, practice it over and over until you are comfortable. You may even solicit some friends and practice it in front of them. If you really don’t want to do it, it is ok to decline. Just make sure you do it ahead of time and let whoever know you aren’t ready to do it.

Do

Make it obvious when you are done with your toast with a simple, “Cheers” or “Congratulations”

Don’t

Feel the need to clink glasses if in a large group. A simple raising of the glass and sip of the drink will suffice.

Do

Clink glasses and look others in the eye when in a small group before saying “cheers!”

Don’t

Down whatever it is you are drinking like you have been stranded in the Sahara for days without anything to drink!  Just take a sip like a civilized human being.

Do

Stay seated during the toast when you are the honoree.

Don’t

Touch your glass or drink to the toast when you are honoree – that would be similar to cheering for yourself!

Do

If you are being honored, acknowledge the toast with a smile or a nod. Also, once the toast is over, return the toast to the toasters with your own toast or a simple “thank you”. If you give your own toast, keep it short, roughly 30 seconds…60 seconds at most.

Don’t

Feel like you need a special occasion to make a toast! If the time is right, it is always nice to give a toast to good friends or family around a table. As always, keep the toast short and from the heart. If you can’t think of something to say, a few complimentary and sincere words will suffice. Another option is to tie the toast to the occasion. For example, “To Michelle, an amazing boss who will make an even better CEO, congratulations!” or “To Marsha, a great host, a fantastic chef, and an even better friend!”

Do

Practice if you are giving a planned toast, that way you won’t fumble through the words. Again, keep them short and sweet and never embarrass the honoree or say something inappropriate.

So remember, if you don’t want to hear crickets like Claire Cleary, it is probably a good idea to follow the do’s and don’ts above!

Until next time…

“Here’s to lying, cheating, stealing, and drinking…
If you are going to lie, lie for a friend.
If you are going to cheat, cheat death.
If you are going to steal, steal a heart.
If you are going to drink, drink with me.” ²

Cheers! And as always…PYMFP!
–Rick

Use It or Lose It 

Use the above do’s and don’ts when you are proposing a toast.

When to Use It:

There are many occasions where proposing a toast is appropriate:

  Dinner parties
  Weddings
  Holidays
  Social occasions with friends and family
  Other special occasions – graduations, retirement parties, funerals, anniversaries

What Do You Think?

Do you have any good stories about proposing a toast or any other do’s and don’ts for proposing a toast that we didn’t mention? Please share in the comments below!

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References

1 http://fullmovietext.com/9/wedding-crashers/10/claire-s-toast

Everyday Etiquette: How to Navigate 101 Common and Uncommon Social Situations by Patricia Rossi

POST, P., & POST, E. (2004). Emily Post’s Etiquette. New York, HarperCollins Publishers.

2 https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/63812-never-lie-steal-cheat-or-drink-but-if-you-must