Self-Awareness: This is How to Be More Self-Aware!

Welcome to part 2 of our 5-part blog post series on emotional intelligence. In the first post, we discussed the concept of emotional intelligence, why it’s important, and we then introduced the 4 skills that comprise emotional intelligence.

Today, we will discuss the first skill of emotional intelligence, self-awareness. We will then review some strategies that we can use to improve self-awareness in our lives.

We will also continue our example of how the late, great Steve Jobs used emotional intelligence to deal with a very public attack. If you missed yesterday’s post, you may want to go back and read it before you continue.

Before we get to those self-awareness strategies, let’s first discuss the concept of self-awareness in a bit more depth.

Self-Awareness – The Foundational Skill of Emotional Intelligence

Self-awareness is simply being aware of how we feel in any given situation – both positive and negative. It is being able to read your own emotions. By doing this you will understand both your strengths and limitations which will help you gauge your moods and how they affect others.

While we will offer some strategies below to improve self-awareness, what’s true is that it is each of our responsibilities to spend time thinking about our emotions. This way we can both understand them and figure out where they come from.  It may involve discomfort dealing with our negative feelings, but it is well worth it because self-awareness is the foundation for the other three skills we will discuss later in the week.

Strategies to Improve Emotional Intelligence

While there are online tests you can take to get a baseline for your emotional intelligence, they are not mandatory. What the authors suggest is to first understand each of the four skills (i.e. read all four blog posts this week), then pick the one you want to work on the most. From there, pick 3 of the strategies we discuss and then practice, practice, practice. The brain can change and form new connections to increase the efficiency of your thoughts; this is a concept called ‘neuroplasticity’. But the change is gradual, and it takes time, so you need to be both patient and consistent with your practice.

Now on to some of the strategies to improve our self-awareness:

(1)  Don’t Judge (Your Feelings)

The idea is to recognize our feelings immediately without judging them and then let them pass. When we judge our feelings as good or bad it prevents us from understanding what we are really feeling.

(2)  Watch the Ripple Effect

Many of our outpourings of emotions have a ripple effect on other people. For example, the manager who loses his cool affects his whole team. The idea is to take time to reflect on our behaviors and the emotions that caused them. You may also want to solicit feedback from others on how your emotions may have affected them.

(3)  Embrace the Discomfort

Many times, we avoid uncomfortable feelings in our lives. The authors suggest that ‘Rather than avoiding a feeling, your goal should be to move toward the emotion, into it, and eventually through it.” ²

(4)  Understand the Physical Effects of Your Feelings

Physical sensations are many times a result of our experiencing an emotion. For example, our heart rate may increase, our breathing may change, we may feel some tension in our arms, back, limbs, etc. The suggestion is to think of past negative and positive events in enough detail that you can feel your emotions surface and take note of them. Becoming adept at noticing the physical effects of your emotions can help you recognize them sooner when they occur.

(5)  Be Aware of Who and What Pushes Your Buttons

Most of us have someone or something that irritates the hell out of us. Being aware of who or what pushes our buttons ahead of time can help us take control of those situations when they happen and stay poised and calm.

(6)  Step Back and Observe Yourself from a Distance

This one involves taking a mindful step back and zooming out to take notice of how your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors play out as situations happen. By stepping back and watching yourself from a distance you can respond with the big picture in mind. One tool you can use to do this is mindfulness.

 (7)  Log Your Emotions

As we discussed in a previous post, one of the best ways to get a handle on your emotions and how you are feeling is to journal. Writing down events that have triggered you and how you responded will help you become more objective and gives you a good reference point for later.

(8)  Don’t Let Your Mood (Good or Bad) Distract You

Sometimes we are in an overly bad mood or an overly good mood and need to make sure we are cognizant of it. That way it doesn’t come back to bite us in the butt later on.

Sometimes we are in a bad mood and think things are worse than they are. The key is not to overreact and let simply understand and be aware of the bad mood, not make important decisions, and let it pass.

Good moods, on the other hand, can do just as much damage. So, we need to realize when we are in an overly good mood and not do anything we regret.

(9)  Figure Out Why You Do Stuff

There are times when emotions come out that cause us to do things we wouldn’t normally do. In this case, the authors suggest taking a step back and simply trying to figure out why we did something out of character for us.

(10) Get in Touch with Your Values

We often run around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to do everything under the sun. This makes it very easy to lose sight of what really matters. By checking in with our values and beliefs we can make sure we in tune with what is important to us.

(11) Solicit Feedback

The way we see ourselves is not always how others see us, and the difference between the two can lead to some great information to help build our self-awareness. The suggestion is to solicit feedback from others – friends, coworkers, family, friends, etc.

(12) Recognize Yourself Under Stress

How do you handle stress? Are there any signals or warning signs that pop up when you are stressed? Do you take action on them? Being self-aware during times of stress can help you notice these signals and take action before that stress does serious damage.

Let’s Now Go Back to Steve Jobs and How He Handled the Public Attack

We will use this example throughout the 5-part series as I believe Jobs does an incredible job of utilizing all 4 skills of emotional intelligence.

To quickly refresh your memory, Jobs was answering questions at an Apple Developer Conference when someone in the audience got up and asked a question.

The man began by saying, “Mr. Jobs, you’re a bright and influential man.”

To which Jobs responded with a laugh, “Here it comes!”

From there, the man let him have it, saying:

“It’s sad and clear that on several counts you’ve discussed, you don’t know what you’re talking about. I would like, for example, for you to express in clear terms how, say, Java and any of its incarnations addresses the ideas embodied in OpenDoc. And when you’re finished with that, perhaps you can tell us what you personally have been doing for the last seven years.”

There is no doubt that for most of us, being attacked publicly would leave us flustered and on the defensive, but not Jobs!

Being in the position he was, there is no doubt Jobs had the self-awareness to understand the impact that he had over others.

Having this self-awareness allowed him to consciously be able to step back from the situation and choose how he would respond.

Rather than becoming hijacked by his emotions, he was then able to utilize the second skill of emotional intelligence: self-management.

You may be wondering how he used self-management to respond to his emotions? Well, you will have to wait until the next part of this series tomorrow to find out!

Until next time, keep using that self-awareness and as always…PYMFP!
–Rick

Use It or Lose It

Some of the strategies we discussed that you can use to improve your self-awareness are:

(1) Don’t judge (your feelings)
(2)  Watch the ripple effect
(3)  Embrace the discomfort
(4) Understand the physical effects of your feelings
(5)  Be aware of who and what pushes your buttons
(6) Step back and observe yourself from a distance
(7) Log your emotions
(8) Don’t let your mood (good or bad) distract you
(9) Figure out why you do stuff
(10) Get in touch with your values
(11) Solicit feedback
(12) Recognize yourself under stress

When to Use It:

When you want to improve the self-awareness part of your emotional intelligence.

What Do You Think?

Do you have good self-awareness? Do you use any of the strategies above in relation to self-awareness already?

 If you enjoyed this post, it would mean the world to us if you shared it with people you care about via any of the social media platforms below!

Popular Previous Posts:

What to Do in Retirement: How to Trade Money for Time!
Awkward Conversations: This is How to Respond with TACT!
Implementation Intentions: How to Make Good on Your Goals!
How to Prioritize Things in Your Life: 6 Great Techniques

References

1 Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam Books.

2 Bradberry, T., & Greaves, J. (2009). Emotional intelligence 2.0. San Diego, CA: TalentSmart.

3 Bradberry, Travis. (2005). The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book: Everything You Need to Know to Put Your EQ to Work. New York: Simon & Schuster.