This is How to Use ‘Fear-Setting’ for Overcoming Your Fears

Last week, I ran into a former colleague of mine whom I have not seen in a couple of years. Every time we run into each other our conversation inevitably ends up in the same place – an experience we shared roughly 10 years ago. And it wasn’t a pleasant one. We both happened to be on the same flight back to Miami from New York City. She was seated in the aisle seat directly in front of me with her mother beside her. I was seated in the seat right behind her.

About halfway through the flight what started out as a bit of rough air quickly became the most insane turbulence I have ever experienced. It was like the worst roller coaster experience ever!

We went up and then we dropped for what felt like forever! Stuff was flying everywhere, luggage compartments opened, and stuff was falling out. And people were SCREAMING! Including me – and as much or more than anyone else!  I thought that was it!

Luckily, it stopped, and we were all able to catch our breaths

 AND then it happened AGAIN!

I thought for sure that was it and we were going to die!  Again, it stopped, and thankfully the rest of the flight was fine.  Once we landed, the colleague of mine got up and we looked at each other like ‘did that just happen?’.

The reason I am telling you this story is that I wasn’t the best flier before that flight – but after it? I was ten times worse!

The fact of the matter is to experience most things these days, you need to jump on a plane to get there. So, going through life scared of flying is not good. Luckily for me, not long after that flight, I read a book by Tim Ferriss called The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere and Join the New Rich that introduced me to a process to help you in overcoming your fears.

Which is the topic of today’s blog post – a process that can help you overcome your fears.

Ferriss Told A Story of Overcoming His Own Fear

It came at a point in his life when he had his own business, which was doing well. But he was miserable, working long hours and unable to sell the business due to how he structured it early on. The solution he came up with was to take a 1-year trip around the world to escape his ‘self-made’ prison.

The only problem was that he was scared to death to take the trip as he thought the business would fall apart without him there. As he says, this caused him “to dance around with my shame, embarrassment, and anger for six months, all the while playing an endless loop of reasons why my cop-out fantasy trip could never work.” ¹

Then It Hit Him!

And he asked himself, “Why don’t I decide exactly what my nightmare would be—the worst thing that could possibly happen as a result of my trip?” ¹

So, he listed out all the bad stuff that could happen such as his business failing, the inventory going bad on the shelves, being sued, etc.

The next thing he knew something funny happened, “In my undying quest to make myself miserable, I accidentally began to backpedal. As soon as I cut through the vague unease and ambiguous anxiety by defining my nightmare, the worst-case scenario, I wasn’t as worried about taking a trip.” ¹

He then started to think about things he could do if the worst-case scenario happened. For example, he could get a bartending job to pay the rent or whatever. What he found was that the worst-case scenario was nothing that he couldn’t handle.

It Was at That Point…

…that he realized that his so-called worst-case scenario may be a 3 or 4 temporary impact (1 being nothing and 10 being permanently life-changing) with the probability of it happening being extremely low.

He also realized that his best-case scenario, taking the trip around the world, would have a probable and permanent 9 or 10 life-changing effect.

As Ferriss says, “In other words, I was risking an unlikely and temporary 3 or 4 for a probably and permanent 9 or 10, and I could easily recover my baseline workaholic prison with a bit of extra work if I wanted to.” ¹

For Many of Us Fear Comes in Various Forms

Many of us fool ourselves by looking at it as an optimistic denial. For example, “I’m not going to leave this job because things will get better with time” or “it will be better once they start paying me more.”

But at the end of the day, we can rationalize anything. The real question is will the situation really improve or are we simply making excuses for our inaction?

How to Use Fear-Setting to Overcome Your Fears

Ferriss came up with a great process which is the antidote for whenever you are nervous about doing something which causes you to keep putting it off out of the fear of the unknown.

The idea is to go through the questions below and as Ferriss says, “keep in mind that thinking a lot will not prove as fruitful or as prolific as simply brain vomiting on the page. Write and do not edit—aim for volume. Spend a few minutes on each answer.” ¹

In fact, I will show you how I answered the questions to get over my fear of flying:

(1)  Define the nightmare scenario or the worst thing that could happen if you did what you are thinking of doing. List all the doubts, fears, and what-ifs in painstaking detail. What would be the permanent impact on a scale of 1-10? How likely is it to happen?

The worst thing that would happen is that the plane would crash, and I’d be in heaven (hopefully). The permanent impact would be a 10!

The odds of dying in a plane crash according to the Economist are 1 in 5.4 million and others say it is closer to 1 in 11 million. Flying is hands down the safest way to travel. So, the likelihood of it happening is closer to 0 than it is to 1.  Plus, normal turbulence is well within how planes are designed to fly through.

(2)  What could you do to repair the damage or get things back on the upswing if it happened? What could you do to get things back under control?

Not much! It would be game over.

(3)  List out the outcomes or benefits, both temporary and permanent of scenarios that are more likely to happen? What are the more probable, positive outcomes? What would their impact be on a scale of 1-10?

The benefits of flying are numerous. Seeing new and old places, meeting new people, seeing family and friends, enjoying new experiences, saving time – just to name a few.  The impact is a 9 or 10.

By looking at the chances the worst-case could happen, which in my case is bad BUT extremely unlikely and then comparing it with the benefits and a high likelihood of them happening, I was able to get over my fear of flying.

Fear-Setting is Something…

…that Ferriss does once a quarter and sometimes even once a month and says that it is the most powerful exercise he does.

A few questions he asks himself during this quarterly exercise are:

  What are you not doing or putting off due to fear? Usually, we most fear the things we most need to do.

  What is not doing or putting it off costing you in terms of financial, emotional, and physical costs? If you don’t do what you are scared of, where will you be in 1 year, 5 years and 10 years?

  Lastly, what are you waiting for?

As he says, “If you cannot answer the last question without resorting to the previously rejected concept of (waiting for) good timing, the answer is simple, You’re afraid, just like the rest of the world. Measure the cost of inaction, realize the unlikelihood and repairability of most missteps, and develop the most important habit of those who excel and enjoy doing so: action!” ¹

The Only Question I Have Is…

Where the hell was this 3-step process for overcoming your fears when I was a 5-year-old kid afraid of the bogeyman!

Until next time, keep overcoming your fears, watch out for the bogeyman…and as always…PYMFP!
–Rick

P.S. Wanna know more? Check out the entire book.

Use it or Lose It – Overcoming Your Fears

The three questions Ferriss suggests for overcoming your fears are:

(1)  Define the nightmare scenario or the worst thing that could happen if you did what you are thinking of doing. List all the doubts, fears, and what-ifs in painstaking detail. What would be the permanent impact on a scale of 1-10? How likely is it to happen?

(2)  What could you do to repair the damage or get things back on the upswing if it happened? What could you do to get things back under control?

(3)  List out the outcomes or benefits, both temporary and permanent of scenarios that are more likely to happen? What are the more probable, positive outcomes? What would their impact be on a scale of 1-10?

When to Use It

Use these 3 questions for overcoming your fears in your life.

What Do You Think?

Have you used fear-setting for overcoming your fears? Are you going to try fear-setting for overcoming your fears? Please share your thoughts in the comments below!

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References

¹ Ferriss, Timothy., Ray Porter, and OverDrive Inc. The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich. Expanded & updated ; unabridged. Ashland, Or.: Blackstone Audio, 2009.