Avoiding Temptation: This is Why You Need to Say “I Don’t”!

Imagine for a moment that both you and your significant other are into self-improvement and have similar goals in terms of reading as much as you can.  Recently, you have found a self-improvement blog called primeyourpump.com that has a new entertaining and actionable blog post every day. You have made a pact to both read the latest article every night before bed so you can discuss it over coffee in the morning.

Lately, you have been working a lot and as great as the articles are, when it’s late at night and you are tired you find yourself engaging in a little self-talk. You say to yourself, “I can’t go to bed without reading the latest blog post on primeyourpump.com”

Similarly, your significant other finds themself in the same situation. But interestingly their self-talk is a bit different, they say to themselves “I don’t go to bed without reading the latest blog post on primeyourpump.com”

Over the long run, who do you think has more success in avoiding temptation in the form of skipping their nightly reading to get some extra sleep?

Keep that question in mind as you read this blog post…

The Importance of Avoiding Temptation

While taking action is extremely important to achieve your goals, oftentimes it is what you don’t do or what you stop doing that is critical to success.  For example, avoiding temptation in the form of eating chocolate cake when you are trying to eat healthier. Or perhaps avoiding temptation in the form of hitting snooze when you know you should be getting up to hit the gym. Maybe it is avoiding temptation in the form of checking out the latest NFL news when you should be writing a blog post on avoiding temptation!

Ok, I think you get the picture.

Avoiding temptation by having the ability to effectively say “no” is an essential skill for anyone who is trying to become a better version of themselves.

Much research has been dedicated to identifying those factors that help us resist the distractions and temptations that sway us from the goals we are trying to achieve.

Luckily there are many strategies that can help us in avoiding temptation…

One that we discussed in a previous post is called implementation intentions. Implementation intentions take the form of:

“If/when <fill in the blank> happens, then I will do <fill in the blank>

For example, let’s say you want to make sure you go to the gym to exercise after work, the implementation intention may look like this:

“When I’m done with work, I will drive directly to the gym to exercise.”

So, in effect, what implementation intentions do is help us make a personal commitment in the form of an if-then statement.  If situation A happens, then I will do ‘B’ which will help me take action toward my goal.

Let’s now look at another strategy for avoiding temptation involving a type of linguistic element of self-talk (also known as talking to yourself!)

How We Can Use Empowered Refusal for Avoiding Temptation According to Research

In a research paper titled “I Don’t” versus “I Can’t”: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior” published in the Journal of Consumer Research, the authors referenced several studies that had similar results.

One of those studies saw researchers split 120 students into two groups.

The first group was put in a scenario where they would be faced with avoiding temptation. When confronted with temptation they were instructed to refuse by using the phrase “I can’t”. For example, they were asked if they wanted some chocolate cake to which they responded, “I can’t eat chocolate cake.”

The second group, when confronted with temptation were instructed to refuse by using the phrase “I don’t”. For example, they were asked if they wanted some chocolate cake to which they responded, “I don’t eat chocolate cake.”

As the students exited the lab they were thanked and then offered a token of appreciation for assisting with the study. They could either choose a chocolate bar or a healthy granola bar.

So, who do you think chose the healthier option?

Well…

39% of the participants who said “I can’t” chose the healthier option,

while 64% of those who said “I don’t” chose the healthier option.

The idea is that by using the words “I don’t” rather than “I can’t”, it is easier to say no when avoiding temptation.

Let’s now take a look at why it works…

Why Using “I Don’t” Works

The idea behind using “I don’t” rather than “I can’t” all comes down to empowerment.

As the authors say:

“We theorize that saying “I don’t do X” connotes a firmly entrenched attitude rather than a temporary situation, and it emphasizes the personal will that drives the refusal. Thus, using the word “don’t” serves as a self-affirmation of one’s personal willpower and control in the relevant self-regulatory goal pursuit, leading to a favorable influence on feelings of empowerment, as well as on actual behavior. On the other hand, saying “I can’t do X” connotes an external focus on impediments. We propose that this latter emphasis results in less feelings of empowerment and thus also hinders the self-regulatory goal pursuit in question.” ¹

In other words:

When you say, “I can’t”, it is as if you don’t have a choice in the matter and you are forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to do.

But when you say, “I don’t”, you are consciously affirming your willpower and determination and showing that you are in full control of the situation.

How About Some More Examples of Using “I Don’t” For Avoiding Temptation?

Now that we have a good handle on avoiding temptation by using “I Don’t”, let’s look at some examples of putting it into practice

Instead of saying…

…“I can’t go out on school nights”, use “I don’t go out on school nights.”

…“I can’t skip my workout”, use “I don’t skip my workout.”

…“I can’t use social media when I’m studying”, use “I don’t use social media when I’m studying.”

…“I can’t hit the snooze bar when my alarm goes off”, use “I don’t hit the snooze bar when my alarm goes off.”

Speaking of Examples…

It is about that time where we need to revisit the example of you and your work spouse from the introduction.

After reading this entertaining and actionable blog post, the answer should be perfectly clear.

You are much better off using “I don’t go to bed without reading the latest blog post on primeyourpump.com” than “I can’t…”

And you know what, now that we are getting better at avoiding temptation, how about this one…

“I don’t close my browser immediately after finishing the latest article on primeyourpump.com, instead I make sure to share it with someone I know who would enjoy it as well!”

Until next time, keep avoiding temptation, keep sharing our posts and as always…PYMFP!
–Rick

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References

1 Patrick, Vanessa M., and Henrik Hagtvedt. “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior.” Journal of Consumer Research, vol. 39, no. 2, 2012, pp. 371–381. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/663212.