Charismatic Body Language: 4 Ways to Adopt it in Your Life!
Recently, I was reading an interesting book called The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism by Olivia Cabane. One of the most fascinating chapters that I came across was the one related to charismatic body language.
While it may be something that many of us don’t give much thought to, she points out how there are certain behaviors that can have a negative impact on our charisma. For example, nodding too much can make it seem as if we are trying too hard to reassure the other person, which is low-status behavior.
Speaking of nodding, while it is important to be mindful of how much you are doing it with respect to charismatic body language, you will also want to be mindful of it when you visit certain countries for another reason!
More on that in a minute, but first let’s explore some of the things we can do to exhibit charismatic body language.
Charisma and How It Speaks to Our Emotional Side
When we speak, our words are first grasped by people’s cognitive minds, which assists them in comprehending what we are saying.
However, in contrast, our body language is grasped on a more visceral and emotional level. So, it is this emotional level that must be leveraged in order for us to get others to follow, obey and care for us. As business guru Alan Weiss says, “Logic makes people think. Emotion makes them act.”
In her great book, Cabane discusses the importance of charismatic body language:
“Charisma, which makes us feel impressed, inspired, or thrillingly special, speaks to our emotional side. It bypasses our logical thinking. Just as the feeling of awe goes beyond our understanding and touches us at an emotional level, so does charisma. Nonverbal modes of communication are hardwired into our brains much deeper than the more recent language-processing abilities and they affect us more strongly. When our verbal and nonverbal signals are in congruence (when they “agree” with each other), the nonverbal amplifies the verbal.” 1
This is Why Charismatic People are Contagious!
In fact, those who are charismatic are seen to be more “contagious” than those who are not. Behavioral scientists have a name for this, and it is called “emotional contagion” and it refers to the phenomenon of the emotions expressed by one person being “caught” by another.
Those people who exhibit this have the ability to transmit their emotions to others and it is due to something called mirror neurons that reside in our brain. What happens is when we observe emotions in someone else via their facial expressions or behavior, our mirrors neurons replicate those emotions in our own mind. It is these mirror neurons that help us feel empathy for others.
How to Adopt Charismatic Body Language in Your Life
In the chapter on charismatic body language, Cabane gives some really great actionable tips on how we can adopt charismatic body language in our life, which we will review now.
(1) Mirror, Mirror on the Wall!
Following up on the previous section, one aspect of charismatic body language that we can deploy right away to establish trust and rapport is that of mirroring or mimicking.
According to Cabane, an easy way to make this actionable is as follows:
“During your next few conversations, try to mirror the other person’s overall posture: the way they hold their head, how they place their feet, the shifts in their weight. If they move their left hand, move your right hand. Aim also to adapt your voice to theirs in speed, pitch, and intonation.” 1
If you are worried that they will notice, unless you are blatantly obvious, they won’t as they will likely be too focused on themselves.
Of course, you will want to be selective in how you mirror and only do what you are comfortable with. You will also want to leave a few seconds lag time before moving into a similar position. Lastly, it is also a good idea to vary the amplitude of your mirroring, so if they use a big gesture you may want to use a smaller one.
Now, there are definitely instances when you do not want to mirror their body language according to Cabane. If they are displaying angry or defensive body language, you would only escalate it if you mirrored it. In these instances, she recommends that:
“Rather than mirroring, try breaking him out of his posture by handing him something: a piece of paper or a pen—whatever works. And then, as soon as he’s in a new position, distract him by giving him new information or changing the subject while you mirror his posture to reestablish rapport.” 1
(2) The Eyes Have It
Many of us are familiar with the phrase, “the eyes are the window to the soul” and it is definitely true that good eye contact is incredibly important for charismatic body language.
Eye contact is so critical to us that when we have significant eye contact with someone, and they turn away we are hardwired to experience separation distress. In order to prevent this from happening, Cabane recommends keeping eye contact for a full three seconds at the end of your interaction with the other person. This may sound short, but it will seem longer and the investment will be well worth it as they will feel like you have really paid attention to them.
Two other common issues that people have when making eye contact are a lack of eye contact due to shyness or being distracted, both of which are a no-no when it comes to charismatic body language. There is one technique that she suggests that can work in both cases:
“As you look into someone’s eye, pay attention to the physical sensations you are feeling at that very moment. If shyness is the issue, this helps to dedramatize the discomfort. If distraction is the issue, this technique will help you keep your mind focused in the present moment. You can also look at the different colors you see in their eyes, the different shades playing around in their pupils.” 1
(3) The Power of Posture
Your ability to project confidence and power is what permits you to radiate warmth, enthusiasm, and excitement without projecting an aura of being subservient or overeager.
On one hand, if your body language projects a lack of confidence or insecurity, it will kill your charisma on the spot. However, having confident body language can help give you charisma all by itself.
For example, just think about how some boxers carry themselves – that aura of confidence can both be impressive and intimidating and can have a real impact on the fight.
Deborah Gruenfeld, a professor of organizational behavior at Stanford describes some of the common postures of those who have charismatic body language when she says:
“Powerful people sit sideways on chairs, drape their arms over the back, or appropriate two chairs by placing an arm across the back of an adjacent chair. They put their feet on the desk. They sit on the desk.” 1
In other words, these people are “claiming space”.
So, the main takeaway to exhibit charismatic body language in terms of posture is to learn how to take up space and be comfortable doing so. At the same time, you will want to assume a strong, confident posture with your back straight and chest out – as this will also make you feel more confident and powerful.
(4) Move like Bond…James Bond!
I really love how Cabane references James Bond when she discusses the movement aspect of charismatic body language:
“Can you imagine James Bond fidgeting? How about tugging at his clothing, bobbing his head, or twitching his shoulders? How about hemming and hawing before he speaks? Of course not. Bond is the quintessential cool, calm, and collected character. He epitomizes confidence.” 1
In terms of movement, there are a couple of things to keep in mind:
(1) Avoid fidgeting and other superfluous gestures such as playing with your clothes, hair or face as it decreases presence and thus charisma.
(2) Try not to nod too much or say “um” before sentences. Those who are always nodding come across as insecure in that they are trying to convey reassurance to the other person which is a low-status behavior. Those who come across as powerful and confident are more contained and aren’t as worried about what the other person is thinking.
Wrapping Up: Knowing What to Do…When
A lot of the stuff we discussed can be appropriate in one context but not in another. For example, if you are with someone who is shy, and you want to get them to open up you may want to reassure them with more verbal (uh-huh) and non-verbal (nods) gestures. However, if you want to be portrayed as a respected boss or confident boss, you probably want to decrease the reassuring behavior by focusing more on your poise and containment.
Like anything in life, you just need to experiment, try this stuff out and see what works for you and when. Then you can decide what to keep and what to ditch.
Another Time You Need to Be Mindful with Your Nodding!
As I said in the introduction, being mindful of your nodding isn’t just important when it comes to your body language, it can also have repercussions when visiting other countries.
You see, in Bulgaria, as well as other countries such as Greece, Iran, Lebanon, Turkey, and Egypt, nodding actually means “no” and shaking your head from side to side means “yes”!
So, if I ask you if you love our Prime Your Pump blog, I would hope that you nod (but not too much!).
Well, that is unless you are in Bulgaria or any of the other countries I just mentioned, then a simple shaking of your head will suffice.
Oh and by the way, if I ask you if you understand charismatic body language better after reading this post, you can simply give me a quick “thumbs up”. But if you live in Iran, maybe you should just stick with shaking your head from side to side as a “thumbs up” there is equivalent to giving the “middle finger” in most parts of the world!
Until next time, keep using that charismatic body language, and as always…PYMFP!
–Rick
Use it Or Lose It
The 4 techniques we discussed to adopt charismatic body language are:
(1) Mirroring
(2) Good eye contact
(3) The power of posture
(4) Being mindful of your movements
When to Use It
Use these tips on charismatic body language every day!
What Do You Think?
What do you think of these tips on charismatic body language? Do you use them currently? Will you adopt some of them? Are there others you use? Please share your thoughts in the comments below!
P.S. Wanna know more? Check out the entire book.
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Nice one Rick! Body language becomes so important in presentations – head motions, eye contact, arm movement, walk from one side of the room to the other. Somehow you have to involve the listener. This is something I learned way back when in 1976 at an air force school. I would practice in front of a mirror. Talk with confidence, and let your body language reinforce that attitude.
Try not to nod too much or say “um” before sentences. – – This is paramount. On TV, you hear speakers up at a podium saying ‘um’ all the time. I immediately loose interest, thinking “this person is a terrible public speaker. Why should I listen to him/her?
I force myself not to ‘um’. Better to have a few seconds of silence before continuing.
Thumbs up !
Hey Dave, thanks for the insightful comment and great examples. Agree with you in that ‘um’ is very distracting and makes you lose interest. Using a few second of silence is a great strategy both to prevent ‘ums’ and to keep people’s attention. Thanks as always and take care! Rick