This is How to Make a Great First Impression Every Time!

True story. I was at a previous job, and me and a co-worker whom I had just hired, let’s just call her ‘Dee’ to protect her identity, were about to step into a meeting.  It was a big day in ‘Dee’s’ career as it was her first ‘big meeting’ with one of our executives.

After introducing herself and shaking ‘Dee’s’ hand, the executive started leading us to the conference room where the 3 of us would meet.  We were walking down the hall and then all-of-a-sudden it happened – one of ‘Dee’s’ heels caught the carpet!

We will get back to how the story ended in a little bit…

First Impressions…Did you know that upon meeting someone new that they have made a first impression of you before you have even had time to blink?

Yup, according to research by a pair of Princeton psychologists, it takes only 1/10 of a second for others to size us up. And within a whole 3 seconds, they have already formulated a more complete opinion. They then spend the rest of the conversation trying to confirm that their original impression was correct (also known as confirmation bias).

BUT before you get all dejected…WAIT! If you messed up in the first 1/10 of a second – all is not lost and there is still hope!

While our first impressions are correct many times, there are still a lot of times when we are totally WRONG and being wrong can have substantial social ramifications.

“How can we minimize being wrong?”, you ask.

Simple, by understanding how our intuitions for first impressions work and by being aware of them so that we can overcome them and use them to our advantage – both in how others see us and how we see others.

Why First Impressions are Important

Our first impressions are extremely critical as they affect such things as:

  How much we trust someone.
  Whether we like them or not.
  The way we see their personality traits such as whether they are social, extroverted/introverted etc.
  The possibility of a future job or business opportunities or collaborations.
  Whether we think they are gay, straight, or transitioning.

Let’s imagine for a moment that you are at a social gathering and…

Throughout the night you are meeting and being introduced to new people. You are making a first impression on each of them, and they are making a first impression on you.

Let’s quickly meet each of them and then discuss what affect their behavior and/or your observations have on your first impression of them.

We will then ‘make it actionable’ by giving you lessons learned from each person you have met.

The first person you meet is…

Steve:

And immediately you notice that he has a rounded baby face, large eyes with a small nose and chin.

Your likely first impression:

Before he even says anything, you already perceive him as honest and trustworthy yet perhaps a bit naive.

Make it actionable:  There has been substantial research that shows people with babyfaces to be appealing and we tend to treat them kindly – yet we may think they are weak and need care as well.

The way people look influences our first impression of them. Other examples of how looks influence us:

  We also think those who look familiar to people we know take on the traits of those people, like if someone looks like your obnoxious Uncle Tommy you think they are obnoxious too!

  People who have symmetrical and well-proportioned faces are seen as attractive and we judge them to be healthy, intelligent, and capable – they are people we want to have as friends.

  Lastly, people who have lower eyebrows may seem angry and those who have mouths turned up at the corners are seen to be happier – thus our facial features can contain emotional resemblance.

According to Nicholas Rule, Ph.D., from the University of Toronto, “Not only should people not assume that others will be able to overcome aspects of their appearance when evaluating them, but also those of us on the other end should be actively working to consider that our impressions of others are biased.”

So…be aware of your potential biases when first meeting people.

After talking to him for a bit, Steve introduces you to a friend of his named…

Suzie:

And you can’t help but observe that her shoulders are drooped down, she isn’t smiling and looks like someone peed in her Cornflakes that morning.

Your likely first impression:  Suzie is not confident, is introverted and doesn’t really want to be there.

Make it actionable:  Be wary of your body language – have good posture, smile and mirror the person to build rapport. As we have said in previous posts, the majority of communication is non-verbal with body language being a big part of that.

You turn around and a gentleman standing by himself immediately introduces himself as…

Max:

You are immediately captivated by his brilliant eye contact, he makes you feel as if you are the only person in the room.

Your likely first impression:  You instantly take a liking to Max. He is confident and intelligent and immediately endears himself to you.

Make it actionable:   The importance of eye contact.  Too much and you will appear creepy, too little and you will appear shifty.  More eye contact signifies intelligence and confidence. Less eye contact shows a lack of interest. As I said in a previous blog post, most people are comfortable with an average of 3 seconds of eye contact before breaking it off and then resuming it.

All that ‘water’ you have been drinking, as well as the fact you are standing beside a fountain has caused you to bid Max adieu, and make a beeline to the bathroom.

Upon leaving the bathroom, you run into baby-faced Steve again who introduces you to this friend…

Michael:

The first thing you notice about him is his greasy, scraggly hair and beard, and the coffee stain on his shirt that is untucked. He also has an inordinate amount of ear hair that you can’t help but stare at. You get a waft of cheese in the air, look around to see if there is a waiter with a cheese tray only to realize it is Michael.

Your likely first impression:  He is a slob! Furthermore, you think he is lazy and a slacker and not someone you really want to associate with.

Make it actionable:   Make sure your grooming is on point. For guys, clean hair and nails, ditch the ear and nose hair and make sure your beard/mustache is neatly cropped.  For women, make sure you don’t have too much makeup on. Lastly, take care of body odor that may be distracting to others.

After meeting Michael, you realize you need a drink, so you sidle up to the bar and a gentleman at the bar named Leonard introduces himself to you.

Leonard:

As you shake his hand you get the same feeling that you got when you picked up that dead fish at the cottage this summer. Gadzooks!

Your likely first impression:  His weak ‘dead fish’ handshake immediately makes him seem passive and weak.

Make it actionable: Make sure your handshake is firm, but just make sure not to crush the other person’s hand!

Shortly after Leonard leaves, a woman named Cassandra comes over and introduces herself to you.

Cassandra:

Apparently, she knows of you through a mutual friend, knew you would be there and wanted to meet you. She congratulates you on your recent promotion and then surprises you by saying she is an alumnus of Cornell also.

Your likely first impression:   She knew about you already! Cassandra did her homework. The fact that she stalked your LinkedIn profile was flattering and showed she was interested in you, which made a memorable first impression on you.

Make it actionable: If you know you are going to meet someone, it is a good idea to Google them to learn about them, so you can find common interests that you can talk about.

Just as you were telling Cassandra about your trip home for the summer, her boyfriend Rex walked up and introduced himself.

Rex:

Immediately you could not help but notice his impeccable suit and his well-polished shoes. No wonder she refers to him as ‘Sexy Rexy’ – you definitely respect his fashion prowess. Dude has some style and some swagger.

Your likely first impression:  People who are dressed smartly are professional and intelligent. Their attention to detail makes you think they are successful and make you immediately conclude that they have their stuff together!

Make it actionable: Dress for the occasion and better than for what the occasion calls for.

It’s time to leave the social gathering but on your way home, you reflect on…

Some other random tips for making a good first impression…

  Be on time – if you are late it is probably going to be an uphill climb to make a good first impression.

  Put your cell phone away – show respect and get rid of the distraction.

  Emphasize the traits you want to show – if you want to be seen as relaxed and calm, embody those characteristics.

  If you aren’t feeling especially confident, stand up straight and get your body language right as the body can indeed affect the mind. You may even want to try a ‘power pose’ as Bri suggests in a previous post.

  Be positive and think positive thoughts about the other person. That way you are giving them approval right off the bat and they will be able to feel it and hopefully reciprocate the positive feelings.

  Be aware of your voice, sometimes if we are nervous when presenting or meeting someone for the first time it gets high pitched and shaky.

Back to the story about ‘Dee’.

As I was saying, we were walking to the conference room, her heel got caught in the carpet.

She almost ate it! But luckily, she didn’t, and I was the only one who saw it. Of course, I whispered in her ear ‘watch out for the carpet monster’ – that’s what good bosses are for!

You are probably wondering what the woman would have thought of Bri if she had seen her trip and almost fall? Well according to the science of first impressions, there is a thing called attribution bias, that says if you do something like trip and fall people will attribute it to your being clumsy and will think you are a clumsy person from then on.

Wait, did I just say Bri, as in my Prime Your Pump co-blogger Bri?

Oops, my bad, I meant ‘Dee’.  That sort of thing would never happen to Bri!

Until next time, make a good first impression, beware of the carpet monster, and as always…PYMFP!
–Rick

Use It or Lose It – First Impressions

Some items to keep in mind in terms of first impressions:

  It is also just as important to be aware of any potential biases which may lead you to make a wrong first impression of someone else – such as appearance biases

  Practice good body language

  The importance of eye contact

  Be mindful of your personal grooming

  Have a firm handshake

  Do your homework if possible

  Dress for the occasion and a bit better than what it calls for

  Be on time

  Put your phone away

  Emphasize the traits you want to show

  Power pose if you aren’t feeling confident

  Be positive and think positively of the other person

  Watch the pitch of your voice

When to Use It:

When you are meeting someone for the first time.

What Do You Think?

How aware are you of first impressions that you make? Do you think you make wrong first impressions of other based on certain biases? Please share in the comments below.

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References

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201608/6-ways-make-bad-first-impression

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/201708/the-psychology-first-impressions

https://psychcentral.com/news/2014/02/15/the-power-of-a-first-impression/65944.html