What Do You Think of These Powerful 4 Words?
I don’t remember the exact date that it happened – although I have a rough idea. I don’t remember the reason I was even there. Hell, I don’t even remember the reason he said those 4 powerful words to me that day.
But what I do remember is how those words made me feel, and I do remember the impact they had on me.
Have you ever heard of the “Baader-Meinhof phenomenon”? You may not recognize it by name, but it’s the phenomenon you experience after buying a new car and then suddenly you start seeing it everywhere? Also known as “frequency illusion”, it is the concept that once you see or hear something you suddenly see or hear it everywhere.
Of course, I had heard those 4 words many times throughout my life. But for some reason, they never really struck me as anything special…until that day. Perhaps it was because that until then I wasn’t self-aware enough to really think about the ramifications of those 4 words.
In fact, they had such a profound impact on me that...
…like seeing the new car you just bought everywhere, I now seem to notice every time someone utters them in my presence. I have also made sure to make them a go-to part of my vocabulary when interacting with others so that hopefully it can have the same impact on them – either consciously or subconsciously.
Before I tell you what those words are, let me quickly set the stage by taking you back in time to when I was in grad school and meeting with a professor who would soon become a key mentor in my life.
As I said, I don’t remember what we were talking about, the odds that we were discussing something intellectual are equally as likely as the odds that we were just ‘talking smack’. And if I had to put money on it, I would lean towards us ‘talking smack’.
In any event, we were chatting and then he uttered those 4 powerful words, which were…
“Show me the money!”
Ok, ok – the words weren’t ‘show me the money’, even though I loved the movie, Jerry Maguire. The words were…
“I am your father!”
Ok, ok – no, he wasn’t doing his Darth Vader imitation, those were not the words either, sorry – enough of the bad movie references, the 4 powerful words he uttered were…
“What Do You Think?”
Whoa! Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather! Did this guy who I looked up to and who seemingly had a sage answer for every question anyone asked him inside or outside the classroom just ask me what I thought about something?
Are you telling me he wanted my opinion on something?
Wow!
And he followed that up by actually listening hard to what I had to say.
That professor was none other than my Prime Your Pump co-blogger and mentor/good friend Howie Gitlow.
And all it took for him to make a huge impression on me was to say…
What Do You Think?
If you think about it, asking someone ‘what do you think’ shows them a few things, including the fact that you:
Value their opinion and care about what they think.
Recognize that they want to be heard and want to listen to them.
Appreciate and respect them.
Let’s take a detour and look at a few more reasons that this is such a powerful phrase by discussing…
One of My Favorite Books, Which Is…
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, which is one of the most famous books on building rapport and influencing others. It consists of a host of principles to help you attain business and relationships success.
To show you the power of those 4 words, by saying to me – Rick, what do you think – and then listening intently, Howie nailed a few of Carnegie’s principles all at once!
Arouse in the other person an eager want
It showed me he was looking at my point of view which made me want to work with him and help him.
Become genuinely interested in other people
He showed an interest in me which let me know he cared, which is a big reason for our lasting friendship.
Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language
By using my name, he made me feel valued and important.
Be a good listener
Asking someone a question encourages them, in that case, me, to talk about themselves, sometimes people just want someone to listen to them.
Make the other person feel important
And do it sincerely. By asking my opinion, it made me feel important and valued.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
He simply let me talk, while listening intently.
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
He looked at things from my point of view which is huge in dealing with other people.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
None of us like to take orders, including me, by asking questions he helped boost my confidence.
I will conclude this entertaining and actionable blog post with those 4 magical words that you can use to show people that you care, to draw them out, and to let them know you value their opinion…
“What Do You Think”
Until next time and speaking of 4 words, I leave you 4 other words from the immortal Arnold Schwarzenegger…
“Hasta la vista, baby!”
Until next time, keep asking, what do you think? And as always…PYMFP!!
–Rick
Use it or Lose It:
To utilize this question:
Simply ask, what do you think?
Then listen intently!
You can ask alternative versions such as, “What are your views on —?” or “I value your opinion, can I get your thoughts/reaction to —?”
When to Use It:
There are several situations where you can ask someone, what do you think?
When they approach you with a problem.
If you want their opinion on something.
When you have shared something with them.
If you are discussing a future course of action or a dilemma.
What Do You Think?
The fact that we ask this question at the end of every blog post is not by accident. We truly appreciate you reading our blog posts and value your feedback, suggestions, and thoughts! So, please share your thoughts in the comments section below!
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Popular Previous Posts:
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References
Carnegie, D. (1964). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Simon and Schuster.
Before getting into today’s discussion, I need to tell you about a totally screwn up Random Act of Kindness that went completely wrong. So yesterday afternoon we parked the van to go grocery shopping for supplies. Joan says to me “there’s an onion rolling in the parking lot”. She spoke the truth, there was an onion rolling along, about the size of a baseball, so she turned to the people in the parking slot across from us and asked if it were theirs. “Yes” the reply. So I ran over to the rolling onion, reached down to pick it up barehanded like a good first baseman does on a slow roller to the right side. Then, tripping over my invisible clown shoes, I tumbled tits over teakettle onto the asphalt, landing on my left wrist, left elbow, and head in that order. I just lay there, somewhat surprised, wondering WTF? Joan and the husband of the onion owner rushed over to see if I was OK. Eventually I got back on my feet with some assistance from them both. Assessed the damages – sore wrist (probably a mild sprain), bleeding road-rash patch on the left elbow which finally clotted up (did not bother me, I’ve experienced much worse), and a slightly sore head (bump on the noggin). Joan insisted we go back home, I said No, lets finish the grocery run, which we did. And what became of the onion? It’s probably still rolling along, dodging pedestrians and cars, Moral of the story and lesson learned – I must remove my invisible clown shoes before going to the store. So, what do you think about my uck-fup?
OK, I have to admit that was a sneaky transition. We use those four words all the time. Sharing ideas and opinions improves communication between us. Especially during the recent house remodeling, where Joan and I often had completely different approaches. She is foo-foo, I am practical. That led to lots of differences of opinion, especially on the dining room table and chairs set. But it all worked out – she’s happy, I’m not unhappy. Seems like those words for us appear mainly in regards to major spending, and not so much on philosophical discussions. But I also use the 4 words when at antique and collectible conventions, where I might ask a fellow collector “what do you think” as we are walking around looking at stuff for our collections. Answers might range from “I’ve seen better” or “too high priced, bargain him down” or “if you don’t buy it I will”. Oh, and speaking of conventions, we are probably going to Sarasota in early February for a gathering of Confederate enthusiasts. I’m preparing a display. Have not been to Florida since 96 or so.
So, what do you think?
Hi Dave – what do I think? Well…(1) A+ for the random act of kindness, D for the clown shoes – just kidding, yikes, I am glad you are ok!!! (2) Excellent transition, well played!! (3) sounds like you and Joan are role models for how to use those 4 words…finally (4) never been to Sarasota, we are a bit south of there, but the weather should be pretty good in February and I am sure you will have a great time! Be good, Rick