How to Get People to Like You: 6 Tips from Dale Carnegie
There are some books that are simply timeless classics. I discussed one of them in a previous post, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Today, I will discuss what may very well be one of the oldest and most popular self-help books ever – How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. When it comes to learning how to communicate and work with people, there may be no better book. Even though it was published way back in 1936, its accessible and practical advice is still as relevant today as it was back then. The fact that it has sold over 15 million copies and ranked #19 on Time magazine’s 2011 list of the most influential books of all time further demonstrates its popularity.
Rather than discuss the entire book…
I will instead focus on the second section of the book which deals with how to get people to like you.
Carnegie starts the section on how to get people to like you with an amazing analogy. He says that in reality, we don’t even need to read his book to learn how to win friends and influence people. Instead, he suggests that we study how the world’s greatest winner of friends does it. He goes on to describe this individual who has such characteristics as:
You may meet him/her tomorrow walking down the street.
S/he will likely show you a lot of affection without any ulterior motives.
S/he won’t be trying to sell you anything.
Nor will they ask you to marry them.
They have never read any books on psychology.
By instinct they know that you can make more friends in 2 months by being interested in them than in 2 years by trying to get them interested in you.
Can you guess who he is talking about? The answer…later!
“You Can Catch More Flies with Honey Than Vinegar!”
Seeing as how it is obvious why getting people to like you is important, let’s just dive headfirst into some Dale Carnegie goodness and review his 6 ways for…
How to Get People to Like You:
Carnegie offers 6 ways for how to get people to like you, which are:
(1) Become Genuinely Interested in Other People
The main point he makes is that most people are more interested in themselves than they are anything else. So, trying to win friends by getting people interested in us and impressing people isn’t going to work.
He then goes on to share a great quote from Alfred Adler, the author of What Life Should Mean to You, who said:
“It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.”
Carnegie shared numerous stories about successful writers, magicians, salespeople, business people, as well as former President Theodore Roosevelt and the common reason they were all successful and beloved – which was due to their taking a sincere interest in others.
As the famous old Roman poet, Publilius Syrus said: “We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”
(2) Smile
The 2nd way to get people to like you, that we discussed in a previous post is to smile. Carnegie discussed an encounter that he had with the great Charles Schwab where Schwab credited much of his own success to his personality and that his “smile had been worth a million dollars”.
As Carnegie says, “Actions speak louder than words” and a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you”.
By smiling, you are sending the world your goodwill and you never know whose day it will brighten – including your own.
(3) Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Carnegie tells a bunch of stories in this chapter about the importance of names and the importance of remembering names. The fact of the matter is that people both love the sound of their own name and love to see their name – just think of all the buildings dedicated to those who have contributed big sums of money.
From the famous Andrew Carnegie, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Napoleon the Third (nephew of the great Napoleon) to infamous flight attendants and waiters. Remembering someone’s name has been a magical tool used by all of them to make people feel unique and special!
If you are someone who has a hard time remembering names, worry not, and check out our previous blog post on how to remember names better!
(4) Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
The only thing that most people want from us is to be an interested listener. Genuinely listening to someone according to Carnegie is one of the highest compliments we can pay someone.
Carnegie referenced someone who had the pleasure of meeting Sigmund Freud. The person summed up Freud and his listening skills as follows: “It struck me so forcibly that I shall never forget him…But the attention he gave me, his appreciation of what I said, even when I said it badly, was extraordinary. You’ve no idea what it meant to be listened to like that.”
Carnegie concludes the chapter by saying that most people to whom you are talking are much more interested in themselves, their wants and their problems than they are in you and your wants and problems. All they want is for you to listen!
(5) Talk in terms of other person’s interests.
Carnegie starts by mentioning one of the tricks that Theodore Roosevelt used to always know what to say to whomever he was meeting with. The trick? He would study whatever subject he knew that person was interested in before meeting with them.
Whether you are in a business or personal setting, one of the fastest ways to someone’s heart is to talk about whatever he or she treasures the most.
(6) Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.
The last chapter in this section is all about throwing a little sunshine at others in the form of honest and sincere appreciation without getting something out of the other person in return. Carnegie refers to it as the number one law of human conduct and that obeying it will bring us “countless friends and constant happiness”. The law goes like this, “Always make the other person feel important”.
The idea is to make people feel important via sincere compliments and appreciation. Because you never know whose life you may change for the better!
As for the Analogy in the Introduction…
Did you guess who he was talking about when Carnegie said we should study the world’s greatest winner of friends to learn how to get people to like you? Recall that he said you may meet this individual tomorrow when walking down the street, that they would show you a lot of affection without any ulterior motivates, nor would they try to marry you, etc, etc.
If you guessed…
“Man’s best friend” – you are correct! As Covey says, “a dog is the only animal that doesn’t have to work for a living…a dog makes his living by giving nothing but love.”
Until next time, use these 6 tips for how to get people to like you, and as always…PYMFP!
–Rick
Use it or Lose It: – How to Get People to Like You
Carnegie’s 6 tips for how to get people to like you are:
(1) Become genuinely interested in other people.
(2) Smile.
(3) Use the person’s name.
(4) Be a good listener; encourage others to talk about themselves.
(5) Talk in terms of other people’s interests.
(6) Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.
When to Use It:
Always!
What Do You Think?
Have you used any of Carnegie’s tips on how to get people to like you? Do you have any other suggestions on how to get people to like you? Please discuss in the comments below!
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References
Carnegie, Dale, (1939, …, 2009). How to Win Friends and Influence People. New York: Simon & Schuster
Good points for forming friendships. I often notice that many people seem almost afraid to smile. I feel sorry for them because I think their life must be so bad. However, it could improve if only momentarily if they tried smiling.