Positive Self-Talk: This is How to Talk to Yourself Better!

You and I meet on the street, and I say to you: “Hi, I’m Rick, it’s nice to meet you.” Before you respond with your name, you say to yourself: “Ugh, I can never remember names.”

What do you think the chances are that you remember my name?

Probably not good, right?

According to Shad Helmstetter, Ph.D., author of What to Say When You Talk to Yourself: “how successful you will be at anything is inexorably tied to the words and beliefs about yourself that you have stored in your subconscious mind.” ¹

In other words, whatever we tell our brain the most it will believe, and whatever we tell it about ourselves, it will create. Sadly, most of us have been wiring our brains the wrong way our whole lives. And much of it has been programmed into our brain from an early age by our parents and teachers.

In fact, researchers estimate that up to 75% of our thoughts are negative!

So, unless we erase that programming or replace it with something else, it will affect us forever.

However, that does not have to happen!  Instead, we can change our old programming and replace it with new programming via positive self-talk – which will help rewire our brains.

Today, we will review Helmstetter’s best-selling book and some of the takeaways that we can use to improve our positive self-talk.

Self-Talk and the Brain

Remember, whatever messages we put into our minds is what we will get out of them.

Helmstetter compares our brain to a computer and explains that since most of us are not wired to succeed we end up “trying to achieve our goals with our own onboard computers wired to hold us back.” ¹

What’s true is that our brain will do anything we tell it to do. So, the key is to tell it good stuff frequently enough and strong enough.

Much of it has to do with the power of our subconscious mind and we end up becoming whatever we have told our subconscious minds we are. The idea is to override the programs that work against us in our onboard computers with new and specific programming via positive self-talk that works for us.

What is Self-Talk?

Before we go any further, let’s define self-talk, which is simply the spoken words or unspoken thoughts we have all the time.

Some of it is positive self-talk, but most of it is the opposite.

For example, “I am clumsy”, “I’m too shy”, “I am really in bad shape”, “I can never remember names”.

By talking to ourselves like this it’s no wonder things don’t work out right. Imagine trying to drive a car from point A to point B with the wrong directions!

Helmstetter goes on to describe 5 steps that determine whether we succeed or fail in anything we do in life. He refers to it as…

The Self-Management Sequence

It starts with our BEHAVIOR or the actions we take, or don’t take. Taking the right actions often leads to success, while taking the wrong actions leads to failure.

However, our actions are determined by our FEELINGS. So, how we feel determines whether or not we will take action.

The next step in the sequence is our ATTITUDE, which is simply our perspectives on life which determines how we feel.

Our attitudes are created and influenced by what we BELIEVE about things in life.  Our beliefs create our attitudes which in turn create our feelings and direct our actions.

The final step in the sequence is PROGRAMMING which tells us what we are to believe.

To recap – our programming determines our beliefs, which craft our attitudes, which generate our feelings, which create our actions, which produces our results.

Got it? It makes sense if you think about it.

Let’s now take a look at 4 kinds or levels of self-talk that we all engage in. It is important to understand these levels before we move on to some techniques for self-talk.

Kinds of Self-Talk…

The first two kinds of self-talk are negative self-talk, while the last 2 are positive self-talk.

LEVEL 1: Negative Acceptance

This is when you say something bad or negative about yourself such as “I can’t…”. The problem with this most frequently used kind of self-talk is that you accept it and believe it. Remember, your subconscious mind is waiting for instructions to follow! This type of negative self-talk must be eliminated!

LEVEL 2: Recognition/Need to Change

Another level of negative self-talk is in the form on “I need to…” or “I should…”. While this is better than level one because it recognizes a problem, it is still problematic because it offers no solution. This type of negative self-talk must also be eliminated!

LEVEL 3: Decision to Change

This level of positive self-talk is the first kind that actually works for you and not against you. Examples of this positive self-talk are “I no longer” or “I never”. Now you not only recognize a need to change, but you have made a decision to do something about it and are stating the decision in the present tense.

For example, if you are trying to lose weight, “I no longer eat fried food.” Remember, your subconscious mind will remember whatever you tell it as long as you repeat it and say it strongly enough. This one works best for situations aimed at effecting specific change, i.e. losing weight, stopping smoking etc. Of course, losing weight and stopping smoking are more complicated than that. BUT if you are engaging in negative self-talk you definitely won’t do it!

LEVEL 4: A Better You

The most effective level of positive self-talk is when you paint a new picture to your subconscious mind of what you want to be. This usually comes in the form of “I am…”

For example, “I am competent”, “I am organized”, “I am a healthy eater” etc.

Now for the techniques that you can use for positive self-talk.

These are 5 techniques suggested by Helmstetter that you can try depending on your situation to help override your negative self-talk with positive self-talk.

5 techniques for Positive Self-Talk

(1)  Silent Self-Talk

This is the internal dialogue that you have with yourself and it can be either conscious or subconscious. The important part is to be aware of your negative self-talk and then replace it with positive self-talk until it becomes a habit.

(2)  Self-Speak

Listening to the words that you speak out loud to yourself and others is an important part of what you are feeding to your subconscious mind. Again, the key is to start noticing and replacing your words containing negative self-talk with positive self-talk. Also, watch how others talk about themselves and notice how successful people speak differently.

(3)  Self-Conversation

While it may seem a little weird and awkward, Helmstetter suggests speaking out loud to yourself and holding both ends of a conversation. He believes it forces you to put your thoughts into words and can really help get you going.

(4)  Self-Write

This is writing out your self-talk word for word which helps feed the specific instructions into your subconscious. He then suggests reading it daily as the repetition helps rewire your brain.

(5)  Recorded Self-Talk

Lastly, he suggests listening daily to positive self-talk, again the more repetition you get, the more it will get hardwired into your brain. Personally, I feel he added this one to sell his self-talk recordings, which leaves me a little skeptical.  But hey it may work for you.

Finally, he offers a…

3-Step Process to Get Started

First, MONITOR your self-talk via mindfulness, which is simply being aware of being aware. In other words, monitor and recognize when you are using negative self-talk.

Next, EDIT your negative self-talk. When you hear yourself using negative self-talk, change the message to one of positive self-talk, and re-phrase it to the positive.

Lastly, he recommends you LISTEN to positive self-talk recordings to hardwire it into your brain. Again, it may work, but the fact that he is trying to sell his tapes makes this blogger a bit skeptical.

The Biggest Takeaway for Me…

…from this book is that if you notice yourself using level 1 or level 2 negative self-talk, STOP!

Then replace it with either level 3 or level 4 positive self-talk.

I also believe the 5 techniques he offers do work. Being a former athlete, I know for a fact this stuff works in sports as most athletes use it in some way, shape, or form. It can also work in your work life and obviously your personal life as well.

So, the Next Time…

You meet someone new, instead of saying to yourself, “I can never remember names”, say “I am great at remembering names!”

By the way – what’s my name?

Until next time, keep using that positive self-talk and as always…PYMFP!
–Rick

Use it Or Lose It

There are 5 techniques that we discussed for positive self-talk:

(1)  Silent self-talk – your internal dialogue
(2)  Self-speak – words you speak that you speak to yourself and others
(3)  Self-conversation – having out loud conversations with yourself
(4)  Self-write – writing out your self-talk
(5)   Recorded self-talk – listening to positive self-talk recordings

When To Use It

When you catch yourself using negative self-talk.

What Do You Think?

Do you utilize positive self-talk?  What are your thoughts on self-talk? Please discuss in the comments below?

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References

¹ What to Say When You Talk to Yourself by Shad Helmstetter, Ph.D.