Managing Your Expectations: How to Create the Right Ones

Out for a walk on a lovely summer morning, Barney is waiting to cross a busy road.  He expects to only have to wait a minute or so, but 3 minutes later there he is…still waiting.  Suddenly, a wave of anxiety washes over him and he starts to feel a little glum.  A stranger asks him for directions, and he snaps back at them uncharacteristically.

At this point, a friend of his who is also out for a morning walk approaches and can instantly see that Barney is in a foul mood and asks why. After learning that he is stressed out waiting for the light to change the friend suggests they cross the other road and go in that direction.

All-of-a-sudden Barney’s mood starts to change as has never gone that way and is excited to see what awaits him once he crosses the road.  If only Barney knew a little bit about his brain with respect to managing your expectations this whole mess could have been avoided.

It All Start with Expectations, But What Are They Anyway?

As David Rock says in Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long:

“Expectations are the experience of the brain paying attention to a possible reward or threat” ¹

In the case of positive expectations, you are sensing that something of value, either an item or an event, is heading in your direction. To your brain, this means something that is going to help you survive.

In fact, what oftentimes happens is that your brain automatically orients itself to stuff (people, events, and information) that links to what you value in a positive way.

You Experience What You Expect

Due to the fact that your expectations change your perception, sometimes you end up seeing stuff that you expect to see and not see stuff that you are not expecting to see.

So, what ends up happening is that those unmet expectations trigger a threat response and your brain works hard to reinterpret them to match your expectations.  This can end up creating tragic consequences. For example, policemen accidentally shooting someone they believe to be armed or one country attacking another based on false assumptions.

What’s crazy is that expectations can modify the function of your brain to the point that the right set of expectations can produce a similar effect as a clinical dose of morphine. According to Robert Coghill, a pain researcher at the University of Florida: “Positive expectations produce a reduction in perceived pain that rivals the effects of a clearly analgesic dose of morphine.” ¹

Expectations and Our Friend Dopamine

We have discussed the neurotransmitter dopamine in previous posts. It turns out that dopamine plays a huge role in managing your expectations as well. In fact, your dopamine circuitry, which is key to learning and thinking, is activated by expectations.

Professor Wolfram Schultz, who studies the links between dopamine and the reward circuitry in your brain at Cambridge University in England found that:

“…when a cue from the environment indicates you’re going to get a reward, dopamine is released in response. Unexpected rewards release more dopamine than expected ones…However, if you’re expecting a reward and don’t get it, dopamine levels fall steeply.” ¹

This is why the surprise bonus at work can make a more positive impact on your brain chemistry than a pay raise that you were expecting.

Conversely, expecting a pay raise and not getting one or even getting a pay cut can really cause a lot of pain.

This is what happened to our friend Barney in the introduction, he was expecting the light to turn so he could cross the street, but it took a long time, his dopamine levels fell, and he was frustrated.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

Rock points out:

“The dynamic between expectations altering experience and impacting dopamine levels, helps generate an upward or downward spiral in the brain. A general feeling of expecting good things generates a healthy level of dopamine and may be the neurochemical marker of feeling happy.” ¹

Back to Barney in the introduction, his dopamine levels fell as his expectations were not met. This put him into an away response which made it harder for him to think through the stranger’s request for directions.

And it wasn’t until his friend suggested he cross the other street in a new, exciting direction that his dopamine levels increased to where he could experience a toward response. This made him excited and put him into a better mood.

This upward spiral and the relationship between expectations, dopamine, and perception could be a reason why happiness is a preferable state for mental performance.

3 Ways to Stay Cool Under Pressure

Rock outlines three ways to stay cool under pressure when managing your expectations, each of which requires us to be focused on the present:

(1)  “For average emotional hits you can try labeling your emotions, which increases a sense of certainty and reduces limbic arousal.

(2)  For strong emotional hits you can reappraise, by changing your interpretation of events. This can increase both certainty and autonomy while having a stronger dampening effect.

(3)  And to reduce future bursts of arousal, you can manage your expectations by being aware of what they are and choosing new expectations in their place.” ¹

Having mental access to these 3 techniques can help you stay cool under pressure, even in the most trying of circumstances.

Some Other Stuff to Try When Managing Your Expectations

  Practice being self-aware of your expectations in various situations.

  Try setting your expectations a little lower.

  To keep yourself in a positive mental state, figure out different ways that you can emerge ahead of your expectations.

  If a positive expectation is not being met, simply reappraise the situation and tell yourself it’s just your brain doing something weird with dopamine.

Oh, There’s One Thing I Forgot to Tell You

You see, Barney from the introduction is…a chicken!

I suppose what I am trying to say is this – not only did this blog post teach you about managing your expectations, it also gives you the answer to an age-old question.

The question?

“Why did the chicken cross the road?”

Because it was craving a shot of dopamine!

Until next time, keep managing your expectations, apologies for the lame-ass joke, and as always…PYMFP!
–Rick

P.S. Wanna know more? Check out the entire book.

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References

¹ Your Brain at Work by David Rock