This is How to Be a More Attractive Person!
Those of you who clicked through to get to this blog post on how to be a more attractive person thinking it was how to look more physically attractive may want to stop reading now as that is not what this blog post is about!
Lord knows there are enough of those types of articles already out there. In fact, I cannot criticize them as I wrote a similar article just last year!
What this blog post is about, however, is how to be a more attractive person in general, romantic aspirations aside. Although what’s true is that if you do become a more attractive person, you will also become more attractive to prospective romantic interests. So, I suppose if that is your m.o., you should probably keep reading anyway.
And really, there is so much more to being an attractive person than what is on the outside. For example, it doesn’t matter how good looking you are if you are a boring person to be around.
Speaking of boring, I recently read a story in the Daily Mirror about a Brit named Peter Willis whom the paper calls “The most boring man in the world” due to his hobby which has him focused on taking photos of all of Britain’s 115,000 postboxes.
Back to my thoughts about him in a bit, but first…
…There is Much More to Being an Attractive Person Than What You See in the Mirror
As Kevin Hogan explains in his great book Irresistible Attraction – Secrets of Personal Magnetism
“The measurements on the tape may not read 35-23-35 and the bank account may only be modest. You may not be 6’ tall and you may not have the perfect education. Does that make us unattractive? Absolutely not! Not only is there hope, there are 13 proven strategies and behaviors that increase your attractiveness to others and only one of these 13 has to do with your physical appearance!” 1
So, with that being said, let’s take a look at some things we can do to become a more attractive person…
13 Ways to Be a More Attractive Person
(1) Focus on them
As Hogan explains, one of the most important things we can to be seen as a more attractive person is to focus on others:
“What really gives you the charismatic edge over others is your ability to focus your attention toward other people. Learn to become fascinated by other people, their life experience and their work. This is a trait that people find simply irresistible.” 1
Make it actionable:
Try to learn more about their thoughts and their point of view.
Rather than saying “I have been there too” when they tell you about their trip to Italy, say, “really, what did you like the most about it?”. The idea is to keep the focus on them rather than comparing their experience with yours.
(2) Speak about their interests
The quickest way to bore someone to tears is to keep talking about something they know nothing about and have no interest in. However, what does get someone jazzed up and energized is when you listen to them about what most fascinates them.
Make it actionable:
See if you can figure out what they are interested in and then take a genuine interest in learning more about it from them.
(3) Don’t talk about these things
There are some subjects that need to be off the table in every type of relationship, especially early on in the relationship when you don’t know the other person that well.
Such things as intimate relationships, religion, politics, previous relationships, income etc.
Make it actionable:
Be mindful not to discuss certain subjects with others, especially when first meeting them.
(4) Dress appropriately for the setting
This one has to do with choosing the right attire for the right setting.
As Hogan advises:
“To always be dressed in one style of clothing makes little sense if you want to appear attractive to those around you. The key really lies in being appropriate to the setting. It’s not that you want to be just like everyone else, but there is one fact that always rings true in attraction, and that is “like attracts like”. Dressing to the norm of the community, the office, the environment doesn’t mean that you are just like everyone else inside, it means that the first time people see you they see a bit of themselves. That can be a valuable asset.” 1
Make it actionable:
It is important to be aware of the appropriate attire for the setting you are in and then dress accordingly.
(5) Be caring
Those who are “stuck up” and conceited are typically focused only on themselves which is not exactly becoming of someone who is an attractive person. On the other hand, those who are able to adopt an external focus and fondness towards others are truly attractive.
Make it actionable:
Show empathy, care, and concern for others
Engage in random acts of kindness that others appreciate such as holding doors or helping others.
(6) Exhibit personal mastery
As Hogan says:
“Self-confidence is a trait that all people are attracted to. Self-confidence coupled with competence yields an obvious sense of personal mastery. The person with personal mastery has a fascinating mix of humility and pride that allows one to be certain and self-assured.” 1
Make it actionable:
Figure out what you are good at and what you need to improve upon. Then figure out what you can do to get there, make a plan and then execute on it.
One key to personal mastery is self-awareness and you may want to check out a previous post to learn some techniques to become more self-aware.
(7) Make others feel good
We all like to hear good things about ourselves and like to have our ego stroked a little bit from time to time. Making others feel good is something that any of us can and should do on a regular basis.
Make it actionable:
Little things like positive comments on how someone handled a difficult situation, or something that you admire about them or even a sincere compliment on a piece of clothing can make someone’s day and at the same time make you a more attractive person.
(8) Be enthusiastic
Enthusiasm is a force multiplier that makes you instantly a more attractive person!
As Hogan explains:
“What could be the single most important characteristic in charismatic people is that of enthusiasm. There is something that ignites passion in other people when we watch a person who is excited about what they are talking about.” 1
Make it actionable:
Consider where you are going in life and the steps you will need to take to get there. If you do have a clear vision of where you want to be in life it will automatically make you a more attractive person.
(9) Take care of your health
Those who have sound health are more vibrant and attractive. For most of us, being healthy is attainable and it is possible to improve our health which will make us feel better and make us more exciting to be around.
Make it actionable:
If your health is not where you want it to be, see a medical professional to help you get on the right path.
Steps that have proven successful for others include: following a healthy diet, staying hydrated, exercising, getting enough good sleep, losing weight, and quitting smoking to name a few.
(10) Acquire certainty
This is one that I really liked. Hogan defines certainty by saying:
“Constantly self-educate yourself. The more you know, the more you can share other people’s favorite experiences. Become a voracious reader, travel if you can and learn from audio and video about your areas of interest. As you become more knowledgeable about various subjects, people seek you out for ideas and advice because you are an expert…Certainty is not arrogance. Certainty is an almost faith-like conviction that someone experiences about her path in life.” 1
Make it actionable:
Be a lifelong learner and apply what you learn into your life!
(11) Make stuff happen
This one is about being oriented toward action as those who are always making stuff happen are more exciting to be around and attractive to all of us. Those who are taking action are always on the move which creates energy.
Make it actionable:
Make decisions and then follow through on them!
When you do move, make sure you are focused and get stuff done.
(12) Show your personality
We are all drawn to and admire certain personality traits and are repelled by others. While there are many characteristics that can be combined to create a great personality, Hogan describes 4 cornerstone traits that an attractive person possesses. Those are:
Tolerance – is the ability to perceive differences as merely differences between people.
A sense of humor – being able to laugh at yourself and make light of difficult situations.
Sincerity – being honest and upfront about who you are and what you feel.
Flexibility – being able to adapt to changing circumstances.
Make it actionable:
Try to incorporate some of these characteristics into your personality if they are not already there.
(13) Use that charismatic body language!
Our body language is grasped on a more visceral and emotional level than the spoken word. So, it is this emotional level that must be leveraged in order for us to get others to follow, obey and care for us.
Make it actionable:
Use mirroring, good eye contact, confident posture and be mindful of your movements – check out our recent post on charismatic body language to learn more!
The more I think about Peter Willis and his hobby from the introduction…
…the more I think he is not the most boring man in the world!
The mere fact that he has been labeled “The most boring man in the world” makes him interesting just because he has that label. Anyone who is the best/worst, most/least, etc. is doing what they are doing at such extremes that there has to be something interesting about it.
I have no idea how many mailboxes ‘ol Peter has photographed by now but at the time of the article, he had already done 2,500. So, my thinking is that he must have some damn good stories to tell that he has also collected along the way, which are hardly boring, and in reality, actually make him an attractive person!
Until next time, use the tips above for being a more attractive person, and as always…PYMFP!
–Rick
Use it or Lose It
13 of the ways to be a more attractive person that we discussed are:
(1) Focus on them
(2) Speak about their interests
(3) Don’t talk about these things
(4) Dress appropriately for the setting
(5) Be caring
(6) Exhibit personal mastery
(7) Make others feel good
(8) Be enthusiastic
(9) Take care of your health
(10) Acquire certainty
(11) Make stuff happen
(12) Show your personality
(13) Use that charismatic body language!
When to Use It
Use these tips for being a more attractive person on a daily basis!
What Do You Think?
What do you think of these tips on how to be a more attractive person? Do you use any of them currently? Will you use any new ones you learned? Please share your thoughts in the comments below!
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References
1 Irresistible Attraction – Secrets of Personal Magnetism by Kevin Hogan
Good tips! This reminds me of an English professor who was not at all gifted with physical appearance; however, he was the most interesting and fascinating person I had ever listened to. As they say, it’s what inside that counts. It is fun spending time with people who radiate enthusiasm and interest in their company.
Hi Eileen, Very true and great example. Some people just have something in their personality/behavior that makes them attractive/interesting. Thanks for the great comment! Rick
Really great follow-on to your previous essay on the subject. For this one, I believe item (3) to be most significant. Religion and politics are definite No-No’s; although in today’s environment, two people might meet in a bar and the odds are quite favorable that they are both anti-Trump.
Item (7) becomes next in line. Build up the other person’s ego, but not to the degree that explodes similar to an over inflated balloon.
I’d like to expand a bit on item (4). Dressing appropriately also includes facial hair. A trip to the barber for haircut plus mustache and beard trim often works wonders. However, don’t overlook one other item. So time for another story. Way back in the previous century, when I lived in Pennsylvania, a friend of mine and I hooked up with a pair of sisters. He took the younger one, who was quite cute except for one factor. Her nose hairs were long enough to braid into a key chain. Oh, by the way, also trim your ear hair.
Thought for the week: If all the world’s a stage, identity is nothing but a costume.
Hi Dave, Thanks for the great comments. You hit the nail on the head with them and I really liked your thought for the week! Thanks and take care, Rick