Receiving Feedback: Why It’s Important and How to Do It

Several years ago at a previous job, I was in a leadership meeting sitting beside a colleague/friend who had recently been hospitalized after being a little stressed out from his uber-demanding job.  After talking to him for a bit I could tell he still wasn’t in a good place, so the next day I brought him a book called, “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari” and asked him if he would read it over the weekend. The book tells the story of a fictitious lawyer who gets so stressed out that he has a heart attack and collapses in the courtroom. He then sells his Ferrari and mansion and quits his job to visit the Himalayan Mountains to study the 7 virtues of the Sages of Sivana.  More on my friend in a minute, but let’s just say that receiving feedback and taking action on it was one of his many strengths.

Why We Need Feedback

In his book, The One-Minute Manager, author Ken Blanchard uses a great analogy to stress the importance of receiving feedback.  Imagine you are bowling but the ball rolls under a sheet that is blocking your view of the pins.  You can hear the pins fall down, but you quickly become bored and do not know how to improve because you cannot see how you are doing.

Receiving feedback gets you critical information about the actions that you take so that you can understand where you are, then compare it to where you want to be, so you can take the necessary action to get closer to your desired goal.

As Jack Canfield says in his great book The Success Principles: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be,

“The truth is humans are teleological mechanisms. We’re goal-seeking organisms. It’s part of our nature to want to succeed. We need feedback. Never seeing where the ball goes, never getting information, is simply contrary to our nature.” ¹

The Types of Feedback We Receive

Receiving feedback can occur in a multitude of ways.  Whether it is a comment we receive from someone, a letter in the mail from the IRS, the way someone looks at us or an opportunity that comes our way due to a specific action we took.

No matter how it comes to us, it is critical that we at least listen to see if the feedback can help us.  If the feedback is telling us we are off-course, it is in our best interest to make our next step in the direction that we believe will bring us back on course.

The important thing when receiving feedback is to never ignore those yellow alerts and go against your gut feeling. If something does not feel right to you then it likely isn’t.

How NOT to Respond to Feedback

There are a bunch of ways that we can respond to feedback, however, there are a few that we will want to avoid:

(1)  Getting overemotional with the feedback

There are times that we have received feedback that we do not want to hear and we get overly emotional and upset. The problem with this type of reaction is that it prevents us from improving.  Instead of taking things personally and getting emotional, a better response is to simply see it simply as information and corrective guidance.

(2)  Being angry with useful feedback

I am sure there has been a time in all of our lives that we reacted with anger or hostility when receiving feedback that was useful. The problem with that type of reaction is that it merely pushes the feedback and the person who gave it further away from us and does not help us get closer to our goal.

(3)  Not at least listening to the feedback/thinking we are “too good” to get feedback

We all know people who ignore everyone’s point of view other than their own.  They don’t care what others think and have no time for hearing what others have to say. Unfortunately, they are also missing an opportunity to drastically improve their lives if they only listened and responded.

The Attitude Necessary for Receiving Feedback

Being open-minded and grateful is the mindset necessary for receiving feedback.

Because, as Canfield says,

“Remember, feedback is simply information. You don’t have to take it personally. Just welcome it and use it. The most intelligent and productive response is to say, “Thank you for the feedback. Thank you for caring enough to tell me what you see and how you feel. I appreciate it.” ¹

There is no doubt that not all feedback is accurate or useful. For example, some drunk on the street talking smack to you is likely not accurate or useful feedback – so you need to always consider the source.

A Question That You Can Use for Receiving Feedback

I really liked a question that Canfield introduced that he learned from a multimillionaire businessman back in the 1980s.

The question is one that can be used to improve the quality of your personal relationships, services you render, the products you produce, the meetings you lead, the classes you teach, etc.

All you need to do is ask:

“On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the quality of our relationship ( or service/product) during the last week (or 2 weeks, month, quarter, semester, season)?” ¹

Then when they respond with anything less than a 10/10, you reply with “ok, what can I do to make it a 10/10?”

Some variations of the question may be, “on a scale of one to ten, how would you rate”:

  The meeting we just had
  Our sex life
  Me as a teacher
  The workout we just did
  Etc., etc.

As you can imagine, asking this type of question will get you instant feedback and the information you need to make things better.

Be on the Lookout for Patterns!

This is another great piece of advice that Canfield gives in the book. If one person tells you something that is one thing, it may or may not be accurate. However, if a bunch of people are telling you the same thing then there may be some truth to it.

At that point you need to ask yourself the questions – “Would I rather be right or happy?” and “Would I rather be right or successful?” – and only you can answer those questions.

How to Handle Receiving Feedback That Says You Have Failed – Use it Or Lose It

There are a few things we can do to respond to a “failure experience” that will help us keep moving forward:

(1)  Understand the fact that we did the best we could with the skills, knowledge, and awareness that we had at that point in time.

(2)  Understand the fact that we did survive and can handle all of the consequences and results that occurred.

(3)  Jot down all of the lessons we learned from the experience. If others were involved, ask them what they learned. Then come up with a list of how you can do things better the next time.

(4)  Thank everyone who gives you feedback, use what is useful for the future, and ditch the rest.

(5)  Do not try to hide the failure. Clean up any messes that have resulted and make any apologies if necessary.

(6)  Go back and review your successes. It is critical to remind yourself that you have done a lot more things right than you have wrong.

(7)  Regroup by spending time with friends and family who will reaffirm your contribution and worth.

(8)  Refocus on your mission. Use the lessons learned to make things better or if necessary, create a new plan of action. Realize that there will always be bumps in the road that must be overcome.

The Doctor Who Sold His Ferrari

Let’s now finish the story from the introduction.

So, the following Monday I sat down beside my colleague/friend at our morning meeting where he greeted me with a big smile.

He then put his arm around me and whispered into my ear, “I just want you to know that I sold my Ferrari, thanks for being a great friend.”

Several minutes later, our CEO surprised the rest of the team when he announced that my colleague/friend had resigned his leadership position and was going back to seeing patients.

Until next time, keep receiving feedback, and as always…PYMFP!
–Rick

When to Use It

Use these tips for receiving feedback whenever it makes sense to improve your life.

What Do You Think?

What do you think of the importance of receiving feedback? Do you have any other tips for receiving feedback? Please share your thoughts in the comments below!

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References

¹ The Success Principles: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield