Meeting Etiquette: This is How to ‘Meet’ Expectations
Have you ever been to a meeting where the lack of meeting etiquette makes you feel like you are stuck in the dark ages? Sometimes I feel like all the progress that has been made in terms of meeting etiquette is for naught when I look over and see people behaving like cavemen and cavewomen in meetings!
Then I think to myself, ‘well maybe people haven’t studied or been exposed to the history of meeting etiquette, so how would they know?’
So, instead of bitching and complaining, I am going to take you through a brief history of the rules of meeting etiquette in the hope that you share it with people who can use it (not you, of course!)
Meeting etiquette is a phenomenon that has evolved over the years. The analogy is akin to building a house brick by brick. Things have been learned over time and gradually meetings went from where they were in the caveman era to where they are today.
And that is where we will begin our look at the evolution of meeting etiquette, as some of the first meetings ever conducted happened during…
The Caveman Era Over 2 Million Years Ago!
Back then even cavemen understood the importance of recording things that happened in meetings both to aid in their ability to recall them as well as to maintain a historical record of their occurrence.
The only difference was that back then they wrote on walls of their caves instead of using pen and paper…or a laptop/tablet.
Rule #1: Take notes and come equipped with a pen and notebook or a laptop/tablet!
For various reasons that we will not get into, there was a dead period between the caveman era and the next big breakthrough in meeting etiquette which was…
The Handshake in 9th Century B.C.
One of the earliest depictions of a handshake is found in a ninth-century B.C. relief, which shows the Assyrian King Shalmaneser III pressing the flesh with a Babylonian ruler to seal an alliance. 1
And greeting others at meetings hasn’t been the same since! Since then, proper introductions have become commonplace, or at least they should be.
Back then, if people didn’t know each other, they would make introductions, typically starting with the person who had the highest rank. Also, when people were introduced they would stand which helped establish their presence. Looking someone in the eye when shaking their hand not only showed respect but it displayed self-confidence.
Rule #2: Make introductions at the start of the meeting, starting with the person of highest rank. Stand when being introduced. Look someone in the eye when shaking hands.
Sadly, there wasn’t a lot of progress in meeting etiquette for a long, long time after that.
However, starting around 1570 an Italian astronomer published some work that would change meetings forever.
Which brings us to…
The Sundial – Early 1600s
With the invention of the sundial came the opportunity to schedule meetings at certain times of the day.
Unfortunately, this also created another frequent meeting problem that still exists to this day…being late.
This problem was quickly solved by those early meeting schedulers who came up with a brilliant strategy on how not to be late for meetings. Their secret that can still be implemented today!
They told people to show up 5 minutes early!
Rule #3: Don’t be late. Show up early if you need to!
Before we leave this time-period, there were several other significant developments between the caveman era and the invention of the sundial which would affect meeting etiquette forever.
Chairs and tables were invented which meant meetings could now be more formal. While this was progress, it also led to a few problems. People started to get lazy, slouch and not sit up straight. Some would even have the nerve to bring food to meetings, which was very distracting to other attendees.
Rule #4: Sit properly and do not slouch!
Rule #5: Don’t bring food unless it is a lunch meeting. Water and coffee are usually ok.
A couple hundred years passed with little progress in the field of meeting etiquette, that is until a couple of French women invented…
Pre-School – Early 1800s
A monumental breakthrough for meeting etiquette came in the early 1800s, which is roughly 20 years after the first pre-school was founded. In this establishment where they cared for children whose parents were away during the day, the children learned manners and how to behave in groups. They learned how to not interrupt and learned to speak in turn, be respectful of others, and to get the attention of the leader if they wanted to speak.
The reason it took 20 years from when the first pre-schools were founded was that it took those children roughly 20 years to be of the age where they would attend meetings.
Rule #6: Speak in turn, don’t interrupt others, be respectful of their viewpoint, let them speak and ask questions at the proper time. Pay attention and don’t have side conversations. Don’t argue or bicker. Be an active participant. If you are talking, get to the point, there is nothing worse than someone who goes on and on – someone who blabs. Speak loud enough so people can hear you. Don’t be a nervous Nellie and fiddle with stuff.
The next big advance in meeting etiquette came later that century courtesy of…
Alexander Graham Bell – 1870s
While others had worked on it, Alexander Graham Bell was credited with inventing the first practical telephone in the late 1870s. Bell’s invention was a game changer for meeting etiquette. Up until that time, flaking and not attending meetings was prevalent. But now that you could call and give someone a heads up if you were going to miss the meeting, there was no excuse for your flaking.
Rule #7: Don’t be a flake! Let people know if you will be absent or call into the meeting.
The next big breakthrough in meeting etiquette is something all of you fashionistas may be unaware of…
John Redfern and his Influence – late 1800s
One of the most influential fashion designers of the late 19th century was an Englishman named John Redfern. Redfern was one of the first designers to produce tailor-made, two-piece jacket and skirt ensembles constructed in sturdier textiles such as serge and jersey, for the increasingly active women of the late 1800s who yachted and golfed 2 (and attended meetings!)
What did this have to do with meetings you ask? Well, there was no longer an excuse not to show up to meetings underdressed!
Rule #8: Dress for the occasion and while you are at it, tuck in your shirt!
The Meeting Agenda – ???
Our crackerjack research staff here at Prime Your Pump was unable to find anything of significance on who was responsible for inventing the meeting agenda.
I am thinking of firing them, but at the very least I will no longer refer to them as ‘crackerjack’ until they redeem themselves. I hate not being able to credit someone with the invention of something. So, until further notice, let’s just give credit to Al Gore. Seeing as how he invented the internet, it is entirely plausible that he invented the meeting agenda as well. And for our purposes, who really gives a crap?
Anyway, ever since the advent of the meeting agenda, meetings have become much more organized and well-run. There are some important meeting etiquette tips that go along with agendas.
These include making sure that the organizer creates an agenda in the first place and circulates it to attendees before, giving them enough time to read it and give feedback, if necessary. Other important points related to agendas are:
Rule #9: The agenda and related items:
Send out the meeting agenda beforehand for additions, deletions, or modifications.
The facilitator must make sure the agenda is followed during the meeting.
Start and end the meeting on time.
Make sure someone is taking minutes which will be sent out shortly after the meeting concludes.
Leave room for questions and answers.
Assign action items.
Up until the late 1980s, a common problem was people falling asleep during meetings. Well, that all ended in 1987 when…
Red Bull Was Invented
Now with Red Bull being available all over, there is no excuse for dozing off.
Rule #10: Don’t sleep in meetings! Have coffee or Red Bull if need be. Another technique is to claim you have a bad back and stand up against a wall.
About 20 years after that the…
First iPhone released in 2007
Although Motorola created the first handheld mobile phone back in the early 1970’s, really it was Steve Jobs with the release of the iPhone back in 2007 that really ramped up the use of smartphones. This caused a new problem with respect to meeting etiquette – people checking their cell phones in meetings.
Rule #11: Put away your cell phones in meetings or at least turn them off! Give others in the meeting the respect they deserve.
Finally, we come to today. A recent high-profile meeting brings us our final rule…and it has to do with having meetings with people from other cultures.
OH no, time’s up! We will have to discuss this one another time as I need to attend a meeting and don’t want to be late!
Actually, the photo above reminds me of another rule…
Rule #12: Refrain from discussing politics in meetings.
Until next time, make sure you practice meeting etiquette and as always…PYMFP!!
–Rick
Use it or Lose It – Meeting Etiquette:
Some important rules for meeting etiquette:
Rule #1: Take notes and come equipped with a pen and notebook or laptop/tablet!
Rule #2: Make introductions at the start of the meeting, starting with the person of highest rank. Stand when being introduced. Look someone in the eye when shaking hands.
Rule #3: Don’t be late. Show up early if you need to!
Rule #4: Sit properly and do not slouch!
Rule #5: Don’t bring food unless it is a lunch meeting. Water and coffee are usually ok.
Rule #6: Speak in turn don’t interrupt others, be respectful of their viewpoint, let them speak and ask questions at the proper time. Pay attention and don’t have side conversations. Don’t argue or bicker. Be an active participant. If you are talking get to the point, there is nothing worse than someone who goes on and on – someone who blabs. Speak loud enough so people can hear you. Don’t be a nervous Nellie and fiddle with stuff.
Rule #7: Don’t be a flake! Let people know if you will be absent or call into the meeting.
Rule #8: Dress for the occasion and while you are at it, tuck in your shirt!
Rule #9: The agenda and related items:
The facilitator must make sure the agenda is followed during the meeting.
Start and end the meeting on time.
Make sure someone is taking minutes which will be sent out shortly after the meeting concludes.
Leave room for questions and answers.
Assign action items.
Rule #10: Don’t sleep in meetings! Have coffee or Red Bull if need be.
Rule #11: Put away your cell phones in meetings or at least turn them off! Give others in the meeting the respect they deserve.
Rule #12: Refrain from discussing politics in meetings.
When to Use It:
When you attend meetings or are in charge of meetings.
What Do You Think?
Are there any of other rules for meeting etiquette that you believe are important? Please share in the comments below!
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References
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sundial
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kindergarten
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invention_of_the_telephone
1 https://www.history.com/news/what-is-the-origin-of-the-handshake
https://fashionista.com/2013/05/10-influential-fashion-designers-youve-probably-never-heard-of https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IPhone_(1st_generation)
Ah, meetings. The bane of everyone who ever worked anywhere. Your rules are absolutely correct, even though your time line is a bit whacked out, in one case by a factor of 10 (cave man) and in another about 3100 years too late (sundial). But that’s irrelevant in the grand scheme of “meetingology”
Having been there and done that, both as an attendee and as the moderator, let’s take your 12 items individually,
1) Better idea – have two people take down the minutes, then compare afterwards. One person may have written down something that the other missed.
2) Introduce new people, and identify where they fit in the organization. Maybe include a sentence or two as to their experience level in past jobs.
3) Showing up early guarantees you a seat in the back row!!
4) This all depends. Slouch in the back row if sitting behind some gal in a beehive hairdo. It’s darn near impossible to slouch at a table meeting.
5) Unless the moderator brings donuts, food not allowed.
6) Get to the point quick, give the reasons why you think this is the solution, then sit down. You may want to allow a question or two. Don’t let the debate overcome everything else. If needed, call for a splinter meeting afterwards or the next day.
7) Telecon meetings are only acceptable if the meeting involves an organization that’s “off site”. We held telecons weekly between ourselves and the customer in Washington.
8) Our company had no dress code. Everyone (including women) basically followed the engineer’s creed on clothing – “If you are comfortable with the temperature and no bodily appendages are flapping in the breeze, then the clothing requirement has been achieved.” Except for hard hats when necessary. When I worked on an island in the South Pacific, this led to some really unusual outfit combos.
9) An agenda is mandatory. If possible, allocate a time span for each item on the agenda.
10) Sleep – something that most people never get enough of. Never ever schedule a meeting at 11 AM or 1 PM. At 11, everyone’s anticipating lunch, and at 1 PM, everyone wants to take a post-lunch snooze.
11) Having never owned a cell phone, this becomes not applicable. But I knew of some managers setting up a “phone box” outside the door for everyone (including the manager) to deposit their phones beforehand.
12) AMEN.
Great points, humor, and insights Dave – thanks as always. Enjoy your weekend! Rick