Proxemics: Why You Need to Get Out of My Personal Space!

Listen, reader, I am glad you are here, but you are getting a bit too close and are in my personal space. Could you please back up just a bit?

That’s better, thanks!

Personal space – something that is near and dear to all of us, especially when someone enters it without our approval. Did you know that personal space is part of a field of study known as proxemics? Proxemics being another type of non-verbal communication in addition to body language and touch amongst others.

So, what exactly is proxemics?

Proxemics is simply the study of the way humans use space and how it affects our communication, behavior and social interaction.

Interestingly, there are the 3 different types of space

And let’s use layman’s terms for the 3 types of proxemics that we can identify with instead of their technical terms:

Stuff in our space that does not move – also known as ‘fixed-feature’; for example: walls, buildings, ovens, toilets, etc.

Stuff in our space that does move – also known as ‘semi-fixed feature’; for example: tables, chairs, furniture, etc.

Interpersonal distance – which is simply the distances we keep between ourselves and others in different situations, this includes personal space. By the way, please stay where you are – I don’t know you that well yet!

Is it possible to optimize the various types of space (proxemics) in our lives?

Affirmative! There sure is!

Let’s take a quick look at each of the different types of proxemics, describe them in a bit more detail, and then discuss what you can do to optimize how you use each type of space in your life by making things actionable.

Stuff in our space that DOES NOT move (i.e. buildings, walls etc.)

I am sure you are all familiar with the idea of ‘home-field advantage’ in sports – it is when the home team has an advantage over the opponent due to familiarity with the surroundings, as well as having the crowd on their side. Or, another example, your office for a meeting as opposed to someone else’s office.

According to Kevin Hogan, author of The Psychology of Persuasion, “There is a certain advantage when you do just about anything in your own territory as opposed to other areas. In the persuasion process, the home-field advantage is also very important. If you can negotiate in your office, your building, your home, your yard, or your normal environment, you have a clear edge and should do so if possible. As soon as you are on someone else’s turf, you are at a great disadvantage. The surroundings are different, you are less comfortable, and your odds of being successful in your objective are decreased”. ¹

Makes sense, right?  Ok, so what can we do to give ourselves the best chance for success during those times where we need to meet with someone on their turf?

Making it actionable – Use it Or Lose It

There are a few things we can do to get more comfortable and increase our chances of being successful in these situations:

  Observe how others act in their ‘home’ environment and then adapt, almost like a chameleon.

  Check out the scenery and if you are comfortable enough you may want to point out mutual interests or commonalities by observing objects on their desks or even photos on the wall.

  You may also want to try to get a handle on their mood. Are they tense and rigid? Are they relaxed and casual? Once you get a read on it you can adapt accordingly.

Stuff in our space that DOES move (i.e. tables, chairs, furniture etc.)

Have you ever been in a situation where seating arrangements were involved, and you weren’t exactly sure where to sit? Well, it turns out that there is a way for you to be strategic about it – that is if you have the opportunity to pick your seat. (and I don’t mean picking that wedgie!)

With respect to stuff in our space that does move, aka semi-fixed feature spaces, you may have some control over seating arrangements. Depending on your objective and the situation you are in, you may want to choose your seats wisely, as according to Hogan there are optimal seating arrangements, as follows:

Making it actionable – Use it Or Lose It

So, let’s say you are sitting at a rectangular table and your objective is to have a conversation:

You will want to choose one of these 2 seating arrangements if you can, which are equally good:

And you will want to avoid this one:

However, if you are sitting at a rectangular table and your objective is to obtain cooperation:

Then this seating arrangement is your best bet:

This one is good:

While this one is just ok.

Now let’s change the table you are sitting at to a square or round one. Whether your objective is to have a conversation or cooperation you should choose the same arrangement if possible:

Which is this one:

And you should try to avoid this one:

Feel like hitting the town and going to a nightclub? No worries, I got your back! Let’s keep the square/round table and change the location to a nightclub. Depending on who you are with, where you should sit changes:

A friend of the same sex:	Best	Ok	Good*
A friend of the opposite sex:	Best	Good	No
An intimate friend	Good	Ok	Best

*Female/female only

A nightclub not your scene? No worries. Let’s go to a restaurant instead:

A friend of the same sex:	No	Best	Ok*
A friend of the opposite sex:	Good	Best	No
An intimate friend	Ok	Best	Good

*Female/female only

Finally, want to know what the seating dynamics in a typical meeting look like? Sure, According to Hogan, the setup may look like this:

Those seated in seats 1, 3, and 5 are frequent talkers. With 1 and 5 being task-oriented leaders and 3 being a socioemotional leader such as former President Clinton – someone who tries to get everyone to participate. Those in seats 2 and 4 are non-communicators

Interesting, right? I hope you paid attention because I’ll be quizzing you later!

Just kidding! However, the idea is that to use the seating arrangements noted as best or good to increase your ability to persuade or influence someone. Seating arrangements that are unfavorable will decrease your ability to obtain a win-win communication.

Interpersonal distance

Finally, we come to the interpersonal distance part. You can think of interpersonal distance as a protective bubble or force-field around you that consists of several layers or categories. As humans, we have complex systems or neural networks in our brains that are constantly monitoring these categories to keep us safe. For example, most of us don’t walk into walls and we don’t even have to think about it. I say ‘most’ of us because I walk into walls far too often!  But that’s my problem, not yours!

Some of the earliest work on proxemics and interpersonal space was conducted by a fellow named Edward T. Hall in the early 1960’s. In his book The Hidden Dimension, Hall classifies interpersonal space into 4 distinct categories:

Intimate: 0 to 18 inches

This is the space we protect as if we owned it. It is reserved for romantic partners, close friends and relatives, pets, and children.

Personal: 1.5 – 4 feet

The personal category is the distance we stand when we are at social gatherings, office events, bars and clubs and other social gatherings.

Social: 4 -12 feet

The social category is reserved for strangers and acquaintances, employees at stores, the mailman (although he may fall into intimate for some of you – no judging Mom).

Public: 12 feet +

The final category, the public category is the distance you keep when you are addressing folks such as in a public speaking setting.

 

There is so much research on interpersonal space, that it is a bit overwhelming.  So, I’m going to keep it simple and just mention some of the highlights to keep in mind when it comes to personal space:

  The term ‘personal space’ includes both the intimate and personal categories above, so between 0 to 4 feet; and it is the space that we regard as psychologically ours.

  When someone invades our personal space we often feel uncomfortable, anxious or angry which is caused by neural signals activated in our brain when someone enters our personal space. Kind of like how I felt when you invaded my personal space earlier!

  Allowing someone into our personal space is usually an indicator of the closeness of their relationship to us. You and I are not there yet, so stay back!

  Sometimes it is difficult to maintain our personal space if we are in a crowd, elevator, or public transport and you will notice many times people show their discomfort by avoiding eye contact, watching every floor change on the elevator or checking their phone.

  People in more populated cities are less sensitive and have lower expectations for having their personal space invaded than those in rural areas. I’ve read that you can tell if someone was raised in a city or rural area by how far out they extend their hand when shaking yours. Try it and see!

  Studies have shown that being anxious increases the size of our personal space while being calm and at ease decreases it.

  There are cultural differences. The categories above are more applicable to those living in Westernized countries such as the U.S., Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Northern Europe, Great Britain and others. In other countries the distances may vary, for example, the intimate distance of some Southern Europeans is only 8 to 11 inches. People from Japan and India raised in more densely populated areas are said to have smaller personal space as well.

Making it actionable – Use it Or Lose It

  Being cognizant of others personal space is an important tool in getting them to trust you. The main thing to remember is to ‘keep your distance’. Once you become closer to someone you will find that the distance begins to shrink.

  Hogan suggests being cognizant of the distance between you and the other person, as well as being mindful when using touch.

  Obviously, if you are not being intimate with someone you need to stay at least 18 inches away.

  Men trying to influence men should stay in the 3-6-foot range, while women trying to influence women and women trying to influence men should stay in the 1.5 to 4-foot personal zone. Men trying to influence women is more complex and should be in the 2-8-foot range. REMEMBER, these are just general guidelines and it all depends on the situation.

  Want to know how to deal with those who invade your personal space? A few suggestions:

  We all have different needs in terms of personal space, understand what yours are so you can communicate them to others if necessary.

  Be polite yet assertive and spell out your boundaries if necessary.

  You can also use body language to head someone off, for example, if you are uneasy greeting someone with a kiss simply stick out your hand for a handshake before they get too close.

  Don’t feel bad about setting boundaries as we all have our own needs for personal space.

  Learn to say no and be firm with saying no.

So that’s it!  And you know something? I am starting to feel much more comfortable around you, so I guess I will move closer to you.

What?!?!?!  What do mean?

Why did you put your hand up to keep me back, and ask me not to enter your personal space?

I thought you were getting comfortable with me too!

Oh, ok…I get it.

I will respect your personal space and will take your suggestion on writing a blog post on how to handle someone with bad breath under advisement.

Until next time, keep your distance, pass me a breath mint, and as always…PYMFP!!
–Rick

When to Use It:

  You can leverage your new understanding of proxemics when trying to optimize how space affects communication, behavior and social interaction in your life.

What Do You Think?

  How do you consciously or unconsciously use proxemics in your personal life? Do you find people getting in your personal space often? Does it make you uncomfortable? How do you handle it? 

If you enjoyed this post, it would mean the world to us if you shared it with people you care about via any of the social media platforms below!

Popular Previous Posts:

How to Be a Leader: 4 Characteristics You Need to Know
Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation (and a Fly on the Wall)
Being Present: This is Why You and I Need to Go For a Walk
How to Journal: Check Out My Latest Private Entry!
Being Busy – This is How to Overcome Chronic ‘Busy-itis’

References

1 Hogan, K. (1998). The psychology of persuasion: How to persuade others to your way of thinking. Gretna: Pelican Pub. Co.

2 Hall, E. T. (1969). The hidden dimension. Garden City, N.Y: Anchor Books.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201509/5-ways-protect-your-personal-space