This is Why Life Balance is a Myth!

Many of us have heard Aesop’s fable regarding the story of “The Hare & the Tortoise”.  If you have not, it goes like this:

“A Hare was making fun of the Tortoise one day for being so slow.

 “Do you ever get anywhere?” he asked with a mocking laugh.

 “Yes,” replied the Tortoise, “and I get there sooner than you think. I’ll run you a race and prove it.”

 The Hare was much amused at the idea of running a race with the Tortoise, but for the fun of the thing he agreed. So the Fox, who had consented to act as judge, marked the distance and started the runners off.

 The Hare was soon far out of sight, and to make the Tortoise feel very deeply how ridiculous it was for him to try a race with a Hare, he lay down beside the course to take a nap until the Tortoise should catch up.

 The Tortoise meanwhile kept going slowly but steadily, and, after a time, passed the place where the Hare was sleeping. But the Hare slept on very peacefully; and when at last he did wake up, the Tortoise was near the goal. The Hare now ran his swiftest, but he could not overtake the Tortoise in time. ²

There have been many interpretations of this fable, but I propose a new one. In my opinion, the tortoise was engaged in a concept called counterbalance.  While many people advocate for life balance, I think the concept of counterbalance is a better one. And I believe it is the reason that the tortoise was able to pass the hare.

The Concept of Life Balance is a Myth

In his bestselling book, The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results, author Jay Papasan provokes the reader to consider, challenge, and ultimately reject the notion of life balance or “living a balanced life”.

Balance has typically been defined as a place between two places that is more desirable than one or the other.

While it may be a great and idealistic idea it is neither practical nor realistic; Papasan says that life balance does not exist.

Rather, he says that:

“We hear about balance so much we automatically assume it’s exactly what we should be seeking. It’s not. Purpose, meaning, significance—these are what make a successful life. Seek them and you will most certainly live your life out of balance, crisscrossing an invisible middle line as you pursue your priorities. The act of living a full life by giving time to what matters is a balancing act. Extraordinary results require focused attention and time. Time on one thing means time away from another. This makes balance impossible.” ¹

The Problem with Balance

Wanting to achieve life balance makes sense – make time for everything and get everything done as planned.

You can think of life balance as living in the middle and being out of balance being away from it.  And if you are living too far from the middle you are living at the extremes.

The problem with living in the middle is that you are unable to dedicate substantial time to anything. Meaning that by trying to take care of everything, everything gets shortchanged. While there are times this is fine, many times it is not.

One of the most profound parts of the book, in my opinion, is something that Papasan says that I think innately we all know:

“Knowing when to pursue the middle and when to pursue the extremes is in essence the true beginning of wisdom. Extraordinary results are achieved by this negotiation with your time. The reason we shouldn’t pursue balance is that the magic never happens in the middle; magic happens at the extremes.” ¹

The Idea is to Replace the Concept of Life Balance with This…

So, if the concept of life balance is a myth, then what are we supposed to do?

According to Papasan, the answer is simple:

“Replace the word “balance” with “counterbalance” and what you experience makes sense. The things we presume to have balance are really just counterbalancing.” ¹

The Two Types of Counterbalancing

The notion of being “out of balance” is really our referring to the fact that some of our priorities or needs are being unmet or underserved.

The thing is that no matter how hard we try, when we are focusing on things that are truly important, there are other things that will always be left undone at the end of our day, week, month, year, etc.

However, we cannot leave everything undone and that is where the concept of counterbalancing comes in.  The idea is that you don’t want to go so far in one direction that you cannot find your way back or go there for such a long time that there’s nothing left for you when you come back.

There are two types of counterbalancing: the balancing between your work life and your personal life and the balancing within each of them individually.

Papasan explains the two types of counterbalancing as follows:

“To achieve an extraordinary result, you must choose what matters most and give it all the time it demands. This requires getting extremely out of balance in relation to all other work issues with only infrequent counterbalancing to address them. In your personal world, awareness is the essential ingredient. Awareness of your spirit and body, awareness of your family and friends, aware of your personal needs—none of these can be sacrificed if you intend to “have a life”, so you can never forsake them for work or for one another. You can move back and forth quickly between these and often even combine the activities around them, but you can’t neglect any of them for long. Your personal life requires tight counterbalancing.” ¹

It’s All About Your Priorities

At the end of the day, life balance is really all about priorities.  So, instead of thinking about balancing try to think about prioritizing.

As Papasan says:

“Extraordinary results demand that you set a priority and act on it. When you act on your priority, you’ll automatically go out of balance, giving more time to one thing over another.” ¹

Not staying balanced is not the challenge because we need to in order to be successful. Rather the challenge becomes how long we are focused on our priority.  To take care of your personal priorities, make sure you are clear about your most important work priority so you can take care of it. When you are at home, make sure you take care of your most important personal priorities, so you are able to get back to work.

The big idea is this, when it’s time to work, you need to work and when it’s time to play, you need play. It’s an awkward balancing act but it’s those times that are priorities get screwed up that things start to go downhill.

The 3 Steps to Using Counterbalancing in Your Life

Papasan gives 3 steps that we can use to utilize the concept of counterbalancing in our lives:

(1)  Think about two balancing buckets

The first step is to take your personal and work lives and put them into two distinctive buckets. We are not trying to compartmentalize them we are just doing this for the purposes of counterbalancing as each will have distinct counterbalancing goals and approaches.

(2)  Counterbalance your work bucket

Next, we need to counterbalance our work bucket by viewing it as a skill or knowledge that we must master.

As Papasan advises:

“This will cause you to give disproportionate time to your ONE thing and will throw the rest of your workday, week, month, and year continually out of balance. Your work life is divided into two distinct areas—what matters most and everything else. You will have to take what matters to the extremes and be okay with what happens to the rest. Professional success requires it.” ¹

(3)  Counterbalance your personal life bucket

Lastly, you need to understand that your life contains various areas and that each of them requires a certain amount of your attention in order for you to feel that you “have a life”.

As Papasan says:

“Drop any one and you will feel the effects. This requires constant awareness. You must never go too long or too far without counterbalancing them so that they are all active areas of your life. Your personal life requires it.” ¹

Living a counterbalanced life means that you allow the right things to take priority when it is appropriate and give attention to the rest when you are able to.

Back to The Tortoise & the Hare

There is a quote by Canadian journalist Carl Honore that perfectly sums up how the tortoise used counterbalance to beat the Hare:

“The slow philosophy is not about doing everything in tortoise mode. It’s less about the speed and more about investing the right amount of time and attention in the problem so you solve it.”

I would also add that’s it also about prioritizing what’s important. And on that note, now that this blog post is done the next priority on my list is a 15-minute nap.

But unlike the hare, I am setting my alarm so I don’t sleep too long and have any tortoises pass me by – gotta have a counterbalancing nap to refresh my mind and then get back to work.

Until next time, reject life balance, accept counterbalance, sweet dreams, and as always…PYMFP!
–Rick

P.S. Wanna know more? Check out the entire book.

Use it Or Lose It

The three steps to counterbalancing that we discussed above are:

(1)  Think about two balancing buckets
(2)  Counterbalance your work bucket
(3)  Counterbalance your personal life bucket

When to Use It

Use counterbalancing as an alternate way of thinking than life balance in your everyday life.

What Do You Think?

What do you think about life balance and the concept of counterbalance? Does the concept of counterbalance make more sense than life balance to you? Please share your thoughts in the comments below!

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References

¹ The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results by Jay Papasan

2 The Hare & the Tortoise – http://www.read.gov/aesop/025.html