How to Make Uncomfortable Situations Comfortable
What do the following things have in common?
Being stared at by some creepy dude in a crowded elevator.
Public speaking.
First dates.
Eating alone in a restaurant.
Changing out in the open in the locker room (unless you are an old dude).
If you said they are things that can make you feel uncomfortable, unsettled or weary – you are correct! Today’s post is about how to handle uncomfortable situations like these that make you feel uneasy by doing them repeatedly to make them comfortable.
If you’ve been keeping up with my posts you know that I am a recently ordained minister and that from here on out, you can all officially address me as ‘Father Neuburger’. It has been a heavenly couple of weeks and I can happily report that I have a 100% marriage success rate. It’s a very small sample size I know, but nonetheless it’s a success and all ministers start somewhere.
Getting back to the point of this post, let’s discuss the journey of how I took on this new career and successfully performed my first ceremony.
When Michelle asked me to marry her and her wonderful new husband Bradly I immediately said YES! My gut reaction was pure excitement and honor that she wanted me to be such a special part of this day. It probably had a little something to do with the fact that we had been boating around the British Virgin Islands all day enjoying quite a few cocktails.
A few days later I arrived back in Miami and the anxiety and fear quickly set in. Full disclosure, public speaking is not a strength of mine. I usually end up with bright red cheeks, a red chest and somehow always feel out of breath. (It would serve me well to read my own advice). Anyway, very unsure and nervous about the whole thing, I proceeded to become ordained online for free. I also got gypped by paying the $35 for the “official” certificate and pretty nifty ordained minister card. I figured I could keep the card in my purse in case of emergencies.
Note to self, marrying people drunk is not a cool party trick… and I really need to stop bringing up my official minister status in conversation -it comes across as a little cocky like “I’m a minister, wtf are you?”.
So, after I received my certificate in the mail, T-36 days to the big day, it was time to start drafting. Twelve pages of my love, happy memories and advice for the happy couple later, I had the first draft of the ceremony.
Writing the thing was the easy part.
Next was reading the thing out loud. The first time I might have made it 2.5 sentences in before I pictured her in that beautiful white dress that we picked out and of course I started weeping. Couldn’t get another word out. The second time I read it, it was to Andrew. He proceeded to tell me that all of the elements of a good ceremony were there. I just needed to deliver it more like a celebration and less like a eulogy. At that point, eulogy was probably more appropriate because I wanted to die!
At this point, I convinced myself that I would ruin her wedding, so I started looking up ministers in Miami and was even going to pay for one to perform the service.
It’s times like this, I am blessed to have people like Rick in my life. He convinced me, and I agreed, that I needed to do this. Not only for me, but for my best friend. It may sound cliché, but it is also true that practice makes perfect. And doing things repeatedly is how to handle uncomfortable situations and turn uncomfortable situations into comfortable ones. Not only that, but doing things in life that we don’t necessarily want to do is one of the best ways to grow, and after the fact we are always glad we did them.
At that moment, I committed to practicing the speech 15 times a day at a minimum; out load and standing. I decided to try and make my uncomfortable situation comfortable. I even set up my salt and pepper t-rex shakers (very cute and still available at Target ) and named one Michelle and one Bradly. Standing before “Michelle” and “Bradly” I recited my speech over and over. Each time, less weepy, less eulogy-like and amazingly enough I started to sound more and more like a bad-ass minister who was about to soon make her big debut.
On the day of, I took a tequila shot (perhaps it was 2) before the ceremony to get me in the mood. (as previously mentioned, I am now available for hire and FYI this is a non-negotiable part of the contract, just so we avoid any awkward conversations later). I then took a deep breath, got my game face on, marched up to the alter and delivered a wonderful ceremony.
If ‘I do’ say so myself!
Not only did I get to marry my best friend (well I didn’t actually marry her, Bradly did, but you know what I mean) but I know that I nailed it and best of all, I felt really, really good about myself. I practiced enough times that I became desensitized to the fear of presenting. This allowed me to channel the emotions that made me want to cry into heartfelt delivery. As an added-bonus, I made my parents extremely proud and happy. For them, there was nothing better than all of their friends complimenting them on how talented, beautiful and amazing their only daughter is.
Now if you will excuse me, I need to go work on my baptismal and funeral online certifications. Father Neuburger is on her way to becoming a ministerial triple threat!
Use it Or Lose It:
This concept ‘how to handle uncomfortable situations’ is broad and applicable to many situations, personal and professional. Below are some of the steps you can follow so you know how to handle uncomfortable situations.
Think about a situation, event or act that makes you uncomfortable, anxious or nervous
Brainstorm and reflect on what it is about the act that makes you feel weary
Do that act over-and-over again until it becomes comfortable or habit
The more you do things the more you get used to them and the less intimidating and unfamiliar they become
When to Use ‘How to Handle Uncomfortable Situations’:
This tool is great because anyone can use it and it can be applied to many situations. To name a few:
Public speaking
Dating
Job interviews
Speaking up at work
Discuss:
What are your thoughts on ‘how to handle uncomfortable situations’? What other situations do you perform repeatedly that make you feel more comfortable?
Don’t stand too close to people in elevators and keep priming that pump!
Xoxo Bri
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