Managing Up: A Concept That WILL Help Your Relationships

Today we are going to discuss a concept that we both learned in graduate school called managing up.  It’s a concept that we have both used successfully in our careers and it is a concept you can use in your personal life.

It is a way of making other’s lives easier which in turn will make your life easier.

The concept of managing your boss or managing up was the subject of a famous Harvard Business Review article by John J. Gabarro and John P. Kotter.

What is Meant by Managing Up?

The premise of the article by Gabarro and Kotter was that to be effective in your job, it is critical that you have a compatible relationship with your boss.

Just think of how difficult and unproductive things can be when your relationship with your boss sucks.  And on the contrary, just think about how joyful and productive things can be when your relationship with your boss is great.

What Advice Did Gabarro and Kotter Give for Managing Up?

They broke it down into 3 areas that you need to execute on, which we will now summarize:

(1)  You need to understand your boss and their context.

This includes getting clarification on your boss’ objectives, metrics, and targets. In other words, what do they want to accomplish?  Odds are they are under different pressures than you are, and by understanding and being empathetic to their pressures, you can help them.  What are their strengths? Weaknesses? Blind spots? How risk-averse or prone to risk are they? How do they work best? How do they acquire information (learn) best? Do they like written communication? Do they like frequent updates?

Knowing all this stuff can help you be proactive and strategic in dealing with him/her/it.

(2)  You need to do a self-assessment and understand your own needs.

This includes understanding your own strengths and weaknesses, as well as your own personal style.  You are not going to change your boss, but by understanding his strengths and weaknesses, learning style, and attitude toward risk you can better react in different situations to make your shared relationship more effective.

 (3)  Lastly, develop and promote an effective relationship.

A relationship that works with both of your needs and styles and takes into consideration mutual expectations.  One that always keeps your boss in the loop.  And one that possesses dependability and honesty.  This also speaks to a transparency factor – being able to discuss important issues without any fear is a sign of transparency, respect, and trust. Finally, your relationship will also be mindful of your boss’s time and resources.

The idea is that boss-subordinate relationships are mutually dependent. And that by working together, you can understand what the boss wants and how they want it.  That way, you will make your life that much easier.

To be successful in your job you need resources – information, permission to do things, advice – and they all come from the one person who has the power and leverage to provide it, your boss.

To not optimize that relationship makes it that much harder for you to be effective.

But It Doesn’t Mean…

Manipulation! And it doesn’t mean kissing ass or political maneuvering or bringing your teacher an apple every Monday morning before class.

It simply means working together with your boss to obtain the best possible results for him or her and subsequently…you

“Ok Great, But How Do I Use It in My Personal Life?” you ask…

“And, by the way, I don’t have a boss in my personal life!”

Ok, so you may not have a boss per se.  But you do have relationships with people in your life where you are mutually dependent on each other.  You also have relationships with people in your life who aren’t going to change, and on some things – YOU are not going to change.

So instead of swimming against the current, why not use this concept to help the other person reach their goals and objectives, which in turn will help you reach your goals and objectives?

“I Thought Your Blog Posts Were Entertaining and Actionable? So Far This Is a ‘Snoozefest!”

Relax reader, relax.

This is where it gets entertaining.

To put everything together, we are going to show you how we use it personally.

Which incidentally is why we are writing this blog post together!

You see, we are going to share how we use this concept with respect to how we manage the 3^rd wheel of our Prime Your Pump tricycle – Howie.

Even though Howie isn’t our boss, he is someone quite a bit older than us and someone we need to manage from time to time.

As our mentor, he has taught us more than we could have either expected and there is really no way we can repay him.  One way we can repay him though is by paying forward some of the things he has taught us to you.

So, this is how we use the concept of managing up – we call it…

Managing Our Howie

Some of the ways we use the concept of managing up or managing your boss to manage our Howie include:

Being cognizant of his energy levels

He still has a lot of years left, but let’s face it, at age 70, he isn’t exactly a spring

either.  So, when working with him we keep an eye on his energy levels and when he is starting to fade, we call it quits.  That way we only get the “A+” Howie and he doesn’t have to do stuff when he is tired.

He needs to focus on one thing at a time

We have learned that if we want him to review some blog posts we have written, to send them one at a time – otherwise, some of them end up in a black hole. He works better when he has a single focus. One of our strengths is that we are both organized, so as long as we keep track of things, we are good to go.

One of his strengths is his logic as well as his open-mindedness

So, when trying to sell him on an idea or convince him of something it is best to speak his language. Our strategy is to leverage management theory to make our case, in his case using one of Dr. Deming’s management theories usually is enough to persuade him.

Emails

We learned very quickly that the emails he sends are short and the emails we send to him need to be brief and to the point. No pleasantries necessary, just straight to the point.

Guilt

He does not feel guilt, so do not try to get him to do something by guilting him into it, it won’t work!

Sarcasm

He does not get sarcasm, so we rarely use it around him. What’s the point if he doesn’t get it? Sometimes we use it when we want to annoy each other or bust each other’s balls – but that is the extent of it.

Getting him going

We realized early on that when he shoots videos, he has a peculiar little ritual he does to get himself in the zone. What he does is…Actually, instead of us explaining it to you and doing a half-assed job, let’s just show you a little clip:

Sometimes he forgets to do it, so we simply remind him to do ‘the horsey thing’.

Speaking of his memory…

His memory

One of his weaknesses is his memory. He will be the first to admit his memory isn’t the best. So, when discussing something we always begin with summarizing what we talked about last time and where we are on an issue. We simply assume that he isn’t going to remember what we discussed previously.

Now Before We Go, We Need to Come Clean on Something…

We said earlier that managing your boss or managing up is not manipulation. In this case, it is one of those ‘do as we say, not as we do’ type things.  We have a confession to make…

Yup, it’s true, we have used Howie’s memory issues to our advantage.

You see, one of his strengths is that Howie is an incredible storyteller, like really, really amazing.  A couple of years ago he asked us if we knew what ‘the Aristocrats’ was.

We both said ‘no’ and he then proceeded to tell us that it is the most famous joke of all-time.  It is a taboo, dirty joke that has been going around since the vaudeville era. It has a specific start and end, and the comedian fills in the middle with whatever ridiculous, sexually explicit content they come up with.  And it always ends with: ‘the Aristocrats’

So, when he explained it to us, he explained it with an amazing, explicit example that had us both on the floor crying – we were laughing that hard.

A few months later, somehow it came up in conversation again, and he asked us ‘have you guys ever heard of the Aristocrats?’.  We looked at each other like ‘damn, he forgot he told us’. And we both replied, ‘nope’ – so he told it again, it was a bit different but just as amazing.

Now, every few months or so, we somehow bring it up, he forgets he has told us and we get to hear it again.

Yes, it’s true, embarrassingly we selfishly manage our Howie for our own entertainment.

Seeing as how we have outed ourselves here, our getting him to tell the Aristocrats joke streak will likely end at 6!

Then again…

Until next time,

Keep managing up or your Howie and as always…Prime Your Pump!

–Rick and Bri

P.S.  If you ever have the good fortune of meeting Howie, ask him to tell you about the Aristocrats, but don’t tell him we told you to!

Use it or Lose It – Checklist for managing up

Here is a quasi-checklist that you can use when managing your boss or managing up:

You need to understand ‘your boss’ and their context, which includes:

  Their objectives, metrics, and goals
  The pressures they are under
  Their attitude toward risk
  All their strengths, weaknesses and blind spots
  Their preferred work-style
  Their personal style
  Their preferred learning style

You need to do a self-assessment and understand your own needs, which include:

  Your strengths and weaknesses
  Your personal style
  The level at which you are predisposed to depending on authority figures

Lastly, develop and promote a relationship that:

  Works with both your needs and styles
  Takes into consideration mutual expectations
  Always keeps your boss in the loop
  Possesses dependability and honesty
  Is mindful of your boss’s time and resources

When to Use Managing Up:

When you have relationships with people in your life where you are mutually dependent on each other.

When you have relationships with people in your life who aren’t going to change, and you need to manage the situation.

Some examples are dealing with a:

Significant other
Parent
Older family member
Mentor
Friend
Co-worker
Enemy
Boss, duh!

What Do You Think?

Have you ever used managing up in your life? What other situations do you see yourself using it?

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